A Peetastic end to a Craptastic Weekend, as told by Instagram Photos

I hate when Jeff travels. Unfortunately, he does so a lot, usually from 10-14 days at a time and it sucks. I seriously do not know how single moms, military wives, widows or any one else having to care for a child alone gets through the day let alone 18 years.

During the work week, it’s not THAT bad, particularly now that we’ve stopped letting daycare put him down for a nap – he’s asleep by 8:30pm which is a HUGE improvement over the 10:30 bedtimes we were dealing with. But the weekends are a bit rough, particularly because I haven’t been feeling that well since Jeff gave me whatever mysterious illness he was harboring before he hopped on the plane (thanks babe!)

Keep in mind too that everything I’m about to complain about is compounded by the fact that Jasper does not listen to a word I say so that EVERY task, no matter how small and mundane becomes a battle of epic proportions. Sometimes just getting him to GET IN HIS CARSEAT can send me over the edge. In fact, I’m quite sure that our neighbors will be calling CPS to investigate us at any moment based on the fact that I am constantly yelling at him to GET IN THE CAR NOW as he stops to turn on a map light, pick up whatever random toy he threw on the car floor the day before, pretend “fall” and yet a million other stall tactics designed to drive me insane during this task that we have to repeat at least 5 times a day.

I think this pictures pretty much sums up the stage he’s in at the moment:

Also add to the backdrop of it all the fact that he asks me “Mommy can you play with me?” every second of every day. Literally, I could be getting dressed, shirt over my head, in the bathroom brushing my teeth, in the kitchen cooking breakfast- any one of a multitude of tasks which quite obviously make it impossible for me to in fact stop what I am doing and play.  And yes I know that it’s SO sweet that he’s at an age where he actually desperately wants to spend time with me – but damn it would be nice if he could entertain himself for more than .5 seconds! And then there’s the guilt too that comes with saying no, I can NOT play with you right now all the time.

So the stage has been set, here is just a little recap of the actual events of the weekend:

Yesterday I had a sales session in the morning that my parents thankfully babysat for, but  didn’t really have much planned for the rest of the day (we had a playdate that got canceled) so I took him to Target to shop for the three birthday parties we have coming up this week.  I know you are shaking your head wondering what I was thinking bringing the 3 year old with me to buy toys for OTHER children, but remember I didn’t really have the option of leaving him home (see the husband is away bit!)

I ALMOST managed to put the toys in the cart without him quite realizing what was going on, but, because he insisted on sitting in the basket part of the cart I had the toys sort of leaning on the handle bars so of course he spotted the Play doh ice cream set and his eyes got HUGE and he said “Mommy is that for ME???!” in a voice so genuinely excited and full of anticipation that I could not NOT get him one of his own. Sigh.

Oh well, at least a new toy would provide some much needed distraction.  I also picked up a robe for him because that’s his other new thing – even though our old drafty house is FREEZING to all other normal humanoids, somehow Jasper finds the constant need to take his sweaters and socks off.

Channeling Hugh and demonstrating his new and oft used sulky face:

Playing with his new guilt-gift play doh set:

After play-doh he wanted to watch a movie but he needed a bath, cue the “I don’t want to get into the bath / I won’t get OUT of the bath” routine:


At some point that night I developed a migraine-like nausea inducing headache, and then this morning I woke up with a stomach ache that lasted all day.  Had Jeff been here I would have definitely sent him with the kid and the present to the birthday party we had scheduled at 10:30, but instead I dragged my ass into the shower, fed the child (no, I don’t WANT scrambled eggs!) wrapped the gift (melt down because I didn’t let him do the actual wrapping) and headed off to Wee Play.

But not before I grabbed Jasper and quietly and purposefully held his hand, looked him in the eye and told him that mommy really wasn’t feeling well and that I needed him to PLEASE help me by listening, getting his coat on without a fight and into the carseat without giving me a hard time.   This approach used to work, but aparantly not anymore because literally seconds after our little “conversation” he was playing a game he made up that consisted of him refusing to put his arms into his jacket (wow, FUN!)

Finally we make it to wee-play and it’s a much needed time-killer. He has a blast on the big kid giant climber and made it to the truck at the tippy top with no fear:

But apparently the giant corkscrew tube slide was too dark and scary because I had to climb up it three times to rescue him.

I’ve only ever been to Wee play when it was PACKED, teaming with kids, but I guess I’d never been there before at naptime because by 1pm it was a ghost town.. apparently I’m the only one lucky enough to have a child who is impervious to the need for sleep.  We stuck around until about 3 before we headed home because I was feeling so bad I thought I was going to die. I counted the minutes until my parents got home from their errands and we could go over there for dinner. I had hoped that dinner was going to be more than just us literally eating (we can do that at home, it’s really a break that I need!) but they didn’t get home until after 6pm and I really want him in bed reading books by 8pm on nights when he doesn’t nap. It was a quick visit but Jasper did manage to get in a little bit of playtime with Pop-pop before we left:


So we finally get home, I throw a load of laundry in, get his milk and water ready for bedtime and am about to come upstairs when Jasper tells me that Sammy (our 17 year old deaf, blind and incontinent dog) is falling down the stairs.

I put everything I’m carrying down and pick her up to put her outside and she literally PEES ALL OVER ME as well as a good deal of the stairs, carpet and wood floor that I put her down on once I realized what was happening.

At this point, something just snapped inside my brain and I let out a strangled sounding scream of frustration, which apparently really freaked Jasper out because he started bawling. So now, I’m covered in pee, the floor is covered in pee, my child is wailing, I’m feeling like the world’s worst mom and it’s now almost 8:30 and we haven’t even STARTED the whole bedtime process.

The scary thing is that the REAL fun hasn’t even begun yet: I go off the pill tonight to start our IVF cycle, so at some point this week I get to start the whole trying to get to the fertility clinic in time for monitoring routine.  And if it works? I’ll have these wonderful business trips of Jeff’s to look forward to with TWO babies and an incontinent geriatric dog to care for on my own.. yippee!!!

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GiGi says:

(((HUGS))) remember … this too shall pass. really! hang in there!

Jen says:

I’m back. CD1 was Jan 1. Happy new year to me. This is only my 2nd cycle of monitoring so still trying things the natural way for now.

I also spoke too soon and think my 2.5yr old has hit the threes. We had two tantrums in the span of 5 mins – and then she threw up all over me because she had worked herself into a fit. That may beat your peeing dog ;)

Yvonne says:

OH MY GOD I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. (I did laugh at the end after the dog pee part…..) I’m so glad you wrote this, this is what every day has been like for me with Z since he was almost 3!!!! I want you to know (and hope it helps) that Jasper is completely normal and doing what every other 3 year old I know does…..and to know that it does get better at 4 (but doesn’t completely go away….) I always feel better when I see another child acting this way and I think THANK GOODNESS Z is not an aberration put on this earth to test my patience, temper, etc. Hang in there!

Joanna says:

I feel really bad reading this but at the same time good because it makes me realize my 3 year old is normal, to some extent. It is tough with 2 but at least by the time #2 should roll around for you he’ll be close to the fours! P.S. I just bought Plum organics spinach/peas/pears and I am praying my daughter likes it because she eats even less veggies than Jasper. OK…she really only eats grape tomatoes and that is technically a fruit! :)

Carolyn says:

I feel your pain! My husband thankfully doesn’t travel much, but when he does I bitch and moan about it (and then feel utterly ridiculous b/c I know how many other moms do it by themselves all the time…and in much worse circumstances). My hardest times though are actually during the week. I’m so exhausted when I get home that the thought of even making my daughter brush her teeth wears me out!
I hope that things are better now…that you’re feeling better, that Jeff is home and that the dog has stopped peeing on you!

jbhat says:

Wow, I could have written that post when my kiddo was three. I will be writing that post when my little one gets to be three, I’m sure. Minus the incontinent doggy, though. I think that would have tipped me over the edge. Yuck.

I am sending you a big squeezy hug to help you feel better. {{HUG}}

Nina says:

Oh man, I’m sorry! I guess the good news is at least Jasper doesn’t try to clean it up and make a bigger mess. :)

ariana says:

Shane, just the fact that you have grandparents that are willing to watch TWO kids for two days is awesome! My parents had a hard time even getting Jasper to go to sleep the one day I was REALLY sick with fever and had to sleep at their house so they could help with Jasper.

I forgot to mention that we started off Jeff’s trip with a two day daycare vacation thanks to the holiday!

Pam, I should edit my post to say I also can’t imagine how mom’s of twins and my god triplets manage at all. You are my hero!

Nina – diabetic dog sounds about a much fun as we are having. This morning was fab, let her out, she came back in and peed 1 minute later. Cleaned it up, went upstairs to get dressed and Jasper starts yelling up the stairs to me that Sammy pooped on the kitchen floor. Way to start the week!

Nina says:

Hugs to you lady, because I have been there! It always seems like when my husband goes on crunch (18-20 hour days), I get sick, then my son get’s sick, then my diabetic dog needs to get up and go outside to pee three times that night. Which makes me a mess and ends in tears. Then feeling like the worse mom in the world, for not having enough patience.

By the time the worse hits, thank goodness it’s damn near over. Hope today is better for you! :)

pam says:

three sucks. but FOUR is awesome. you are almost there. it is worth the HELL of three!

Shane says:

Darn can’t edit my last comment… I wanted to add that I think our kids have a hard time w/ these travel periods because they aren’t used to having 1 parent. They get used to having someone to play w/ them, chase them around, etc. I think if our kids had to get used to having one parent for night time, weekends, etc then it would be easier on them and us.

Shane says:

As i read this with each paragraph i started to squirm more and more :-( I’m sure it’s not easy for J to be gone knowing your going through a rough time.

Looking fwd to the Feb period of travel, I’m not sure if I’m more worried about A being gone for 3 days when I’ll have both kids (one day is a daycare Closed day!) or for the 2 days my MIL will have both kids while we are both gone.

ariana says:

Oh wow Heather – I think a sewage backup actually may trump getting peed on, hope it gets resolved quick!!

Our daycare has actually been AWESOME about the napping issue. From what I understand, NY state mandates that the children be on their bed for at least 20 minutes. So they give him books and after 20 minutes they do craft projects with him.. I have to say that I can imagine it sucks for them to have to entertain him rather than do what they need to get done, but they have been really great about it. I love our daycare!

Heather says:

Oye vey! OK, so we can read back on days like this and laugh, right? I think I might be leading a somewhat parallel life to yours on the other side of the Hudson River! My day didn’t end with the incontinent dog, but with a huge sewage back up (and of course, no listening from little boy, much jumping on the bed at bedtime, and other antics). And, what is the deal w/ daycare and naptimes? It’s like an evil joke for parents. At the daycare my son goes to, naptime is (mandatory?!?!) from 1-3!!! I’m keep reminding my son NOT TO NAP at school, but I swear, I could drink 12 cups of coffee and be lulled to sleep in that room during “naptime”. Hopefully your husband will be home soon!

ariana says:

Ava, from your lips.. I sure HOPE so!

Jen – cycle buddies! IVF? IUI? When was your CD1? Just read about your magazine feature too. Awesome! I’m going to be hitting you up for ideas once we move into our new house :)

Jen says:

Um, yay for Mondays? Sorry to hear about your craptastic weekend. Must have been doubly hard without your hubby there. My little girl is just starting to pull those hi-jinx. I’m so not looking forward to the worst of it. I’m in the fertility monitoring cycle too. Like you don’t have enough going on in the mornings, right? Hope things get easier for you…or, at the very least, that the dog stops peeing on you ;)

Ava says:

Aw, man! I am chuckling, but not because I’m laughing at you, but because I’m laughing WITH you. Shane is luckily not out on business often, but we get the above-mentioned hi-jinx by G all the stinking time.
I keep telling myself that this stage, too, shall pass, and at some point I will have my sweet, wonderful boy back. Not really sure when, but it’s gotta happen, right? Right?!?!