Having to act pregnant SUCKS when you’re not.

What I mean by this is that in my herculean effort to actually GET pregnant, I have to treat my body like I already am.

For example, I have quit smoking (even socially) drinking, diet coke and cut back to 1 cup of coffee per day. At my accupuncturist’s insistance I am also eating more to try to gain a few pounds, though I think the fertility drugs are taking care of that on their own!

Tonight I am meeting a friend in NYC for dinner, which would normally be accompanied by a few cocktails and a couple cigarettes with drinks. But no, not me, I have to tell everyone I can’t drink and smoke because I MIGHT be pregnant. Actually its not so much because I might be pregnant, its more because I am INFERTILE and every little bit counts. Normal fertile people get pregnant all the time when drinking/smoking/dieting whatever.  But infertile? We need to weigh every minute decision against how it may effect our already meager chances at conceiving.

The bitch of it is, all the treatments and obsessive worrying make you want to drink, smoke do drugs or whatever to escape the stressful reality of infertility. But just when you need it most, you stop.

I really don’t mind treating my body like a temple for 9 months.. even a year.. or even 2 years. Or maybe even longer if I just knew the time frame. Like if I knew that being healthy and trying for 6 months would mean I would then conceive a child I wouldn’t even complain.. but the idea of this tea totaling going on  “indefinitely” is extremely depressing.

And I just can’t WAIT for the first time one of my friends sees me having a virgin drink and accuses me of being pregnant! How’s that for irony?

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It's Lovely says:

I’m so with you on this one. Smoking is my only vice. People who know about my fertility sitch actually make me feel so guilty about it, but you know what, it makes me less stressed and isn’t minimizing stress a big part of helping this process along? He-he-he, I know excuses, excuses…I’ll quit soon ; )