I’m not exactly sure where to start.  What was the beginning?

Was it August of 2006 when my husband and I “pulled the goalie” and officially started trying to conceive? Or was it 2 years ago when I was working at a publishing company on a book called the “Conception Chronicles” and knew that someday that would be us (scary tests, procedures, needles) even though I had no rational basis for my suspicions. Or maybe it was in September of 2007 when after the mandated 1 year of trying we finally sought the help of a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) and are officially medically labeled “infertile.”

Whenever the exact beginning was, here’s what I know so far.

1) My husband’s Sperm Analysis confirms that he has super sperm, therefore the reason for our unexplained fertility issues lies solely with me.

2) At 34, I am considered to be AMA, or of “Advanced Maternal Age”

3) My CD3 bloodwork initially showed a passable FSH level of 7.5 but the subsequent cycle it shot up to 11, which is borderline high at best and almost certainly a sign of diminished ovarian reserve. It also means that even with the assistance of advanced reproductive technology such as IVF I may be less likely to conceive. According to my RE, my high FSH also means we will follow a more agressive course of action, which basically means i get to skip to the head of the class and do injectables plus IUI after just one failed clomid/IUI combo.

4) I am not dealing with ANY of this well.

Its true that even under normal circumstances I am fairly one track minded about my obsession du jour.. (see for confirmation!). But infertility, the inability to reproduce – essentially the biological reason for our existence on this planet!! – well lets just say its knocked me off my feet in ways that I couldn’t have predicted.

And the sad thing is that what we’ve been through so far is essentially child’s play as far as infertility treatments are concerned. I know that I will find a way to get through the shots, the surgeries, the appointments and the physical pain that lies ahead. Its the emotional battle I’m worried about losing. And that’s where this blog comes in…I need an outlet for all the crazy obsessions, disappointments, fears, questions and occasional hope I feel at any one given moment.

Thanks for coming along for part of the ride, I hope the journey is a short one.

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