Becoming Mom | mommy tips and photography tricks

SIMPLE Valentine’s Day Photoshoot Setup

2012-02-08T16:37:43Z

First of all – I want to thank all of you who gave me advice on the daycare drop-off situation! It kind of went the same way today, but the more I think about it the more I realize that this is some sort of mommy-attachment phase he’s going through. He threw a fit the other day when he had to go in Jeff’s car vs. with me for example. And it makes sense because after our embryo transfer I avoided picking him up and he knows that he has to be careful with mommy and that the shots hurt her sometimes etc, so he probably is just responding to something “changing” with me. At any rate, it helps even just to hear that others have been through the same thing and come out the other side OK!

But today’s topic is a really simple Valentine’s day photoshoot setup that anyone can do! Some of you recall that last year I did a rather elaborate cookie baking theme that required many more props. This year, being that I was in the middle of the IVF cycle I didn’t have time for anything quite so complicated, but I LOVE valentine’s day so I had to do something..

I got the idea for this year’s set up from the twine and clothespins that we used to hang our Christmas cards above the mantle this year:

sorry for the crappy iPhone pic!

I wanted to a “heart garland” that would use hearts cut out of pretty paper and attached to the twine with clothespins, the same way the cards are above.

This is seriously SO easy that it seems silly to post a how-to but here goes!

What you will need:

Twine (not too thick)

Clothespins (regular size, the mini ones are too small to clip to twine)

Book of pretty 10×10 scrapbook paper that has more than one design. I used a book of Amy Butler designs that I’d bought at Michael’s years ago just because I loved the designs. Glad I finally found a use for them!

Scissors

Pencil

Thumbtacks or painter’s tape or whatever you want to use to attach the galrand to your wall or seamless paper.

Instructions:

Fold one of the 10×10 sheets of cardstock in half with the “good” side in. Draw half a heart shape with the inside of the heart facing the seam. Try to use as much of the paper as possible, this first shape will become your template! Cut along the shape you drew, when you unfold you should have a fab looking heart shape!

If you like the one you have, you can fold it back up and use it as a template to place on the next piece of folded paper and trace around it. If you want to make some corrections, you can try again with a new sheet.

Repeat as many times as hearts that you want for your garland, I believe mine had about 8. When you are ready to set up for your shoot, simply attach each heart to the twine with a clothespin. Easy Peasy!

The garland can be set up pretty much anywhere, find a place where the light is pretty (ideally coming in at about a 45 degree angle between you and your subjects) and hang either from a wall or seamless paper if you have a seamless set up.

Here are the results (you can see these bigger and better on my photography website!)

Other props used:

The pink frame is from the Organic Bloom, I painted one side of the insert with chalkboard paint, though they also sell chalkboard inserts. I use this prop a LOT in photoshoots!

Jasper’s adorable tie is from the Etsy shop “Petite Peanut” that has pretty much the cutest kids ties and bow-ties in existence.

I can’t end this post without including one other image I took of Jasper that day, while not very “Valentinesy” I do think he looks incredibly handsome..

..and more importantly HAPPY! I love that smile :)

Bad Daycare Dropoffs – HELP!

2012-02-07T15:13:51Z

There is really no worse way to start your day than taking your child to daycare and them having to be pried off you crying hysterically. Well, OK, there is a worse way when you have to deal with your geriatric dog refuses to pee outside no matter how long she is out there and will then come in and immediately pee on the carpet and THEN you bring your child to daycare with your stress levels already through the roof and spend the next 15-20 minutes unsuccessful trying to leave without a scene.

I have no idea what is going on with Jasper, but it’s breaking my heart and stressing me out beyond belief. He’s been going to the same daycare for 3.25 years! And yes, he’s always been clingy when I drop off, but it has reached a whole new untenable level complete with him trying to actually BLOCK me from leaving and then crying hysterically when I do.

No amount of reasoning, or me staying for a while is working anymore even though it used to. We’ve pulled out all the stops like being given a special task by the director to do, I’ve told him mommy needs his special help to be a good boy, we’ve tried getting him interested in the snack the rest of the kids are having.. all these things used to work after a little cajoling and he’d give me a final kiss and hug and let me go.

Has anyone experienced a sudden chance in behavior like this? If so what did you do and how long did it last?

It’s NOT that he doesn’t like his daycare, infact he often runs away from me and doesn’t want to come home when I pick him up!

Any advice would be appreciated. Oh, and on the geriatric-only-pees-in-the-house dog situation too. I’m at my wit’s end!

Luckiest Week EVER

2012-02-06T19:28:34Z

Go Big Blue!

There is nothing quite as superstitious (or just plain stupid) as pinning your hopes and dreams for having another baby on whether your home team wins the superbowl, but nevertheless that’s what we found ourselves doing.

I mentioned in my last post that 4 years ago we were pregnant with Jasper when the Giants played the Patriots and won, so we felt like the Giants getting into the superbowl again to play the Patriots this year meant that this would be our cycle to get pregnant again and repeat history all around! So it was with MORE than a little bit of nerves that we watched the game last night.

It was a nail-biter by any standard, but when you add in the potential future of your unborn children, it takes it to a whole new level!

But, I KNEW they would win because this has been our lucky week. Starting Friday with the positive pregnancy test, then the Superbowl win last night, but also Sunday someone put in an application to rent our house!

I know I haven’t blogged much about our new house because we hadn’t gotten the commitment letter from the bank and I just didn’t want to jinx anything going wrong, but it finally came in last Monday (hmmm, I guess our good luck started even earlier in the week!)

We are closing this Friday and supposedly moving the following week (the week I go to WPPI!) So it was essential that we find a renter for our current house – even at what we were asking for rent we will still be losing money on the old house every month, but if it goes unrented it’s an unacceptable amount of money. PLUS, we haven’t packed a single box because we are worried that once we do the house will look like a tornado came through and we wouldn’t be able to show it to potential renters.

All this is to say that someone putting in an application is a HUGE weight off of our shoulders and will allow us to start packing and get serious about the fact that we are moving in a week.

Yeah, way to pack in all the major life changes into the same month!

Now we just have to keep the faith that our luck will hold out and the Beta numbers from this morning’s blood draw come back OK. I need a number of at least 224 (on the very low side, preferably closer to at least 300) or there will be a lot of doubt as to weather this pregnancy will continue.

I’ll know by this afternoon and will post back when I get the call.

It’s going to be a very very long few hours waiting to see if our good luck will hold out for one more day..

UPDATE! Just got a call from the nurse and the Beta # was 461! 72 hours inbetween the first beta, so the doubling rate is 35 hours which is fantastic. Yahooooo! Now comes an agonizing week long wait until the next Beta , the first ultrasound and perhaps our first indication of how many are in there. YIKES!

I Peed on a Stick and (drumroll..)

2012-02-03T19:19:59Z

BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m still in SHOCK!

It’s only 8 days after a 3 day transfer, which equates to testing at around 11 days past ovulation, or 3 days before a missed period which is still pretty early. I wasn’t expecting the line to turn so dark so fast. With Jasper I tested on the same day and you could barely see it!

My Beta HCG test (blood test to confirm pregnancy) wasn’t scheduled until Monday, but there was NO WAY I was going to wait until then a) because I’m too impatient and b) because it means going into the office early in the morning and waiting around minute by agonizing minute until they call you with the results that afternoon. When I think of being told I’m pregnant or not pregnant by a nurse on the other end of the phone, and then calling Jeff with the good or bad news at work.. it’s just so CLINICAL.

I know that’s an odd thing to say because the whole IVF process is clinical, but this part, this one little part I wanted us to experience at home like a normal couple and either celebrate together or cry in each others arms.

Of course it still didn’t work out exactly as I had it in my head..

I woke up at 6am and had to pee SO BADLY that there was no way I could wait until Jeff and Jasper woke up at their usual 7am or so. But I also knew that was early to test so it would be essential to use first morning urine.

So I tested.. and then when it turned positive I ran and dragged Jeff out of bed into the bathroom where I presented him with the two lines..

He was so bleary eyed it took him a good minute or so to register what I was showing him… those two lines that we’ve only ever seen one other time and probably will never see again!

I emailed my Dr. who told me to come in for the Beta blood test today, I will go back again Monday to see if the Beta HCG is rising appropriately. If it doesn’t, that means bad news for this being a viable pregnancy. He also cautioned me that it’s still very early and I should only be cautiously optimistic. And my head KNOWS that.

But the fact is that with our BFP with Jasper I was SO scared in the beginning that I actually burst into tears at the Dr’s office getting my blood drawn for the second Beta test.. so scared that I couldn’t let myself enjoy the good news.

So yes, I KNOW there is SO much that can go wrong still, particularly at my age. But I feel joyful, so even if the wise thing to do is guard my heart against disappointment, I want to enjoy this feeling of being pregnant knowing how hard we worked to get here and just bask in it for at least the weekend.

THANK YOU for all the positive vibes, prayers, well wishes or whatever you have offered up on our behalf. Whichever way this goes, I am so very grateful for your support!!

PS: If you are the betting kind, when I was pregnant with Jasper the Giants and the Patriots played in the superbowl and the Giants won. I had a good feeling about our chances for this cycle when I found out the same teams were playing this year and I’m pretty sure we are going to have a repeat performance from the Giants. Being Giants fans that could all be wishful thinking, but we will DEFINITELY be placing some money on them to win – we are feeling very lucky :)

UPDATE: For those of you who know what these numbers mean, I just got the callback with my Beta. 112! OMG. With Jasper at 12 days (not 11 like today) it was 31. GULP!

Sandy Puc, Proselect Wall Guides & More..

2012-01-30T16:59:19Z

The lovely folks at H&H have asked me to give their wednesday webinar LIVE this Wednesday February 1st at 11:30 am ET!

The topic I chose (of course) is “Show & Sell. ” I’ll be demonstrating how to use my wall guides in Photoshop, Lightroom 3 and in Proselect. The Proselect version will release sometime in February, so this will be the first time I’ll be showing it publicly and the last time pre-release.

The webinar is completely free, so if you have time on Wednesday to join us I’d love to see some familiar faces screen names: click here to sign up!

Also coming up on February 1st is the last day to sign up for Sandy Puc’s 2012 tours with a payment plan and an amazing $100 savings. I’m so psyched for her workflow tour – to get a behind the scenes peek into the workflow of a powerhouse like Sandy is NOT something you want to miss. Click here to read more details on my wall guides blog!

Lastly, I have a new Valentine’s Day card template in my shop that I never posted about here. I’ll be using this one to leave in the cubby of all of Jasper’s daycare buddies.

Isn’t he the cutest??

Everything else is quiet on the home front – Jasper has been talking to the embyros, telling them they should stay and become babies (MELT!). Who knows, maybe they like to be talked to.. or maybe that’s just plants. Clearly we will try anything.

It’s going to be a long wait until I can test on Friday, but as you can see from the above there’s lots to keep me busy. Here’s hoping the week will fly by!!

Happy Monday.

I may be having a baby dinosaur…

2012-01-27T16:50:13Z

For those of you who have been following along with my IVF journey (thank you!) it will be a long 8 days or so before I will know if any of the embryos found a home for 9 months. So I’m happy to report that we will be back with our regularly scheduled programming (photography!) starting later today.

But, I did want to write briefly about the transfer itself..

Out of the laundry list of procedures I’ve had done, this one doesn’t rate as particularly eventful, other than that it has to be done on a “full bladder” which makes it easier for them to view the placement of the embryos via sonography. The problem with full bladder is that it has to be full, but not TOO full that you can’t tolerate them pushing down pretty hard on your stomach with the sonography wand and then lying supine in the recovery room for 20 minutes. It’s always some little fun twist like this just to keep it interesting.

The transfer of the embryos themselves is done via a catheter inserted through the cervix right into the uterus which in theory is not painful (no anesthesia) but in practice I felt QUITE a pinch when the catheter passed through the cervix (OUCH!) which I’d never felt with my IUIs. Not sure if the catheter is larger for embryos or if the Dr. doing the transfer is just less gentle than my regular Dr. but anyway, it was over in a minute and I got to watch onscreen as SOMETHING happening in the petri dish.

It was all very scifi and surreal and I honestly didn’t even know what I was looking at half the time except when they first showed me our three embryos and then made me identify our names on the petri dish plate.

After it was over (a few minutes) one of the embryologists came out and gave me a photo of our little embryos. I guess I’d better post it in case it’s the closest thing we ever have to baby #2!

I’m not 100% positive but I’m pretty sure that the one in the center is the “textbook excellent” 8 cell embryo and the one on the left is the “very good” 9 cell embyro. And then there’s the wonky dividing too quickly messy looking guy on the right..I think so anyway. I’m no expert!

After leaving the clinic I went home for a bit and picked up Jasper from preschool. On our way home he asked me what I did at work that day..

So I told him that I didn’t go to work because I went to the “baby doctor” to which he asked, as he always does, if he gave us a baby yet.

I don’t know WHY I decided to go into this much detail (blame it on the fake hormones) but I told him that today he put two eggs inside mommy, kind of like how dinosaurs come from eggs and if we are really lucky they will hatch into babies (OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?)

Now Jasper thinks that maybe mommy is going to have baby dinosaurs.

Then he asked how the doctor got them in there.

Uhhhhhhh..

I tried to be vague, but “through mommy’s belly” didn’t cut it so I told him it went through my belly button. He seemed to accept that as a reasonable method of entry and stopped asking questions.

Yeah, this poor kid is going to be ALL sorts of confused. And you thought the REGULAR birds and bees discussion was going to be hard – try adding IVF in the mix!

So, fingers crossed in a week or so we’ll get some good news that maybe one of those “eggs” decided to hatch and become a baby. Or a dinosaur.

Whatever, I’m not too picky at this point.

;)

They all made it!

2012-01-27T03:53:11Z

Mommy's little sweetheart!

Just got a call from my Dr. – all three embryos are still alive! And two of them are “excellent quality!”

One of the two is 8 cell and the other is 9 cell. The third embryo is 15 cell and not compacting, so a lower grade. But it’s still viable so all three are going in at 1pm today!

Last night’s PIO shot went much better than the night before.. I think Jeff was too far in towards the spine the first night because that one still hurts more than last night’s more recent shot.

I was telling him as much this morning while he was getting dressed and Jasper and I were still cuddling in bed. All the sudden Jasper got this really concerned look on his face and said:

“Mommy, are you OK?”

“Sure baby, why?”

“Because the shots hurted you!”

I reassured him that mommy was FINE and he started sulking and said he was sad because mommy’s shots hurt :(

I reassured him again but he looked over accusingly at Jeff and said “Daddy- you need to be more gentle!”

MELT.

Seriously, if we don’t screw him up too much my son may be the sweetest human being to walk this earth…I just hope we can give him a sibling to love too.

A Day Late and an Egg short

2012-01-25T16:19:07Z

I got the call from the IVF nurse yesterday that 3 of our 4 mature eggs retrieved had fertilized with ICSI. I’m pretty happy with that percentage, it could have been a lot worse! She also told me I’d get a call THURSDAY to let me know what time the transfer would be.

I guess I completely misunderstood what they count as day one, I thought it was retrieval day = day 1 because that’s how they count everything else in infertility. The day you get your period= Cycle day 1, not the day after. So yet another waiting game begins – this time the waiting is to hear if our little embryos survive until Thursday and if so, what grade/quality they are.

Last night I had the dubious pleasure of experiencing my first Progesterone in Oil (PIO in infertility lingo) shot. I have to say that having to take 2-3 shots a day during the stimming part of the cycle is a lot easier than it sounds because the needles are really tiny and just go in the skin around your stomach. But the PIO shot is intramuscular and is administered , well in the ass. Which in and of itself isn’t SO bad, but for whatever reason they have to “suspend” the progesterone in Oil, sesame oil to be exact, and it’s so thick that the needle itself has to be wide for the oil to be able to pass through. And it HURTS. Not only going in, but also afterwards… it throbs and felt burnt around the injection site, though I may be allergic to the sesame oil which could be making it worse ( I had a red mark that looked like a bite around the site all last night!)

The whole thing is just so barbaric, I just seriously can’t believe they can’t find a better option than giant needle in the ass. I swear, if men needed to take the progesterone shots to have babies you can bet your (sore) ass that someone would have figured out a way to suspend progesterone in beer or something a hell of a lot more pleasant and less painful.

I’m aware that there are other options (like suppositories) but crinone sounds disgusting and I know from first hand experience how unpleasant endometrin just for the mess of it. However, I’m seriously considering asking to take endometrin instead – I guess I’ll wait to see how I tolerate the PIO moving forward. (My Dr. said if the redness happens again tonight we will switch oils or to suppositories.)

The worst part of all this is if you actually get pregnant, you have to take these shots for 6-10 weeks!! Maybe they do that so that if you find out you are NOT pregnant, at least you have the consolation prize of being able to stop those damn shots. Geeez.

The funniest part of all this is that due to Jeff’s schedule we could only do the shot while Jasper was awake, and so he was with us for the whole thing including while we were watching a youtube video of where to do the shot. This morning I come upstairs to find Jasper in the office by the computer asking to watch “the video where the lady gives herself a shot” and having a temper tantrum when I told him that wasn’t really a movie for kids!

Thank you all so much for you well wishes throughout all this, if I can ask for your continued positive thoughts that our little embryos make it until transfer tomorrow that would be fabulous. It’s so weird to think that the closest thing may ever have to another child is sitting in a petrie dish somewhere in Manhattan. Grow embies grow!

Too Few Eggs in the Basket..

2012-01-24T15:05:57Z

The Egg Retrieval (ER) yesterday was a huge disappointment. Even though I had shown at least 8-9 follicles (which is not terrible at my age) only 5 of them were able to be removed and only 4 were mature. I was so disappointed when I woke up from anesthesia to that depressing news.

Even my Dr. was surprised and he called me yesterday afternoon to tell me so. It means there were “empty” follicles as he put it. Which I realized after some research is actually a bit of a misnomer as no follicle can actually be empty, but what can happen is that the egg has not released itself from the follicle and is not ready or is too damaged at the time of retrieval to be flushed out and taken.

I read there are a few reasons this can happen, really crappy egg quality and that the HCG trigger that is supposed to make the eggs ready for retrieval just doesn’t work for some reason. Although I certainly have reason to doubt my egg quality, I am now beginning to suspect that for some reason my body doesn’t respond to the HCG trigger like it should. The reason I suspect this is that when we conceived Jasper via IUI 4+ years ago I was charting (taking my basal temperature religiously) and distinctly remember that my temperature did not rise (signaling ovulation) until AFTER the IUI which would also suggest a trigger delay. I questioned my RE about that and he told me that there are very few certainties in reproductive medicine, but the fact that someone will ovulate 36 hours after an HCG trigger is one of them.

Well, turns out this is not entirely true according to my research.. some people require a different type of HCG or double the dose. It’s rare, but completely possible. It would be something to consider if we were going to be able to do this again – but, having exhausted our IF insurance coverage I don’t think it’s in the cards to do another cycle.

So, today I get the call to see if any of those 4 eggs actually fertilized.. and if any do, we get to wait on pins and needles hoping they live until tomorrow and are decent quality to transfer. I’m waiting until tonight to have Jeff do the dreaded progesterone shot because if none fertilize at least my butt won’t be sore!

On the plus side, the ER was pretty painless. A few mild tinges and cramps but nothing serious. The anesthesia caused no ill effects, not even the shakes like I got the last time I went under.

So, that’s all the news – hopefully we’ll have at least on survivor out of those 4 sad lonely eggs…thanks for all your well wishes, we will take every little bit of positive energy we can get!

IVF Trigger Day

2012-01-22T04:01:30Z

Yesterday I went into the Westchester office of my fertility clinic fully expecting to be ready to trigger (take the injection that makes your eggs ready to release in 36 hours) and have the Egg Retrieval (ER) on Sunday morning. But, that would have all worked out MUCH to perfectly.. what actually happened was that Dr. K felt my follicles needed one more day to mature, which meant I had to scramble around to get an extra dose of the Gonal F I’d run out of (and $252 to boot). But that wasn’t the worst part, the worst part came when I was leaving his office and said OK, so I’ll trigger tomorrow night then?”

“Well no, we really need you to come back in for monitoring tomorrow to be sure..”

Tomorrow being today (Saturday) and his office is closed on the weekends so that means having to go into NYC instead.. which, while not super convenient, is not a huge deal on the weekends because at least there is no rush hour traffic to contend with. However, they were forcasting about 1-3 inches of snow in the city, due to fall RIGHT as I would need to be driving.

I really had no idea though until I got on the road this morning at 7:30am just HOW much snow and how bad the roads would be. The palisades parkway was COMPLETELY unplowed..I saw several cars that had skidded off the road into the woods that abut the highway and I was slipping around like mad. I honestly felt like it was a big risk for what seemed like a “cover our bases” visit.

After all, he’d almost declared me ready to trigger yesterday, so how could I NOT be ready today after an additional day and dose of meds? Besides which I HAD no more meds left, now being out of both Gonal-F and menopur.

After a particularly bad skid, Ipulled off at the rest area and called in to ask do I REALLY need to come? Of course they couldn’t reach my doctor, so I kept driving and by the time they got back to me that my Dr. had said I should stay home I was already in the city and just went in.

Guess what? It was time to trigger (no, really?)

At least they are letting me skip the other visit tomorrow where they would just check to see if the HCG trigger had absorbed into my system (I can just do a home pregnancy test to assess the same thing.)

We also got our time for the retrieval on Monday morning. 8:30 am. Yikes! That’s awfully early to get into the city on a commuting day… not to mention inconvenient given that daycare doesn’t open until 8:00am which is cutting it too close. So, arrangements will need to be made.

But you know what is freaking me out even more about Monday? They said I can’t wear makeup because of anesthesia (they need to know if I’m getting too pale I guess?) But what they DON’T realize is that my natural skintone is whiter than paper and most likely when confronted with my natural skintone with NO MAKEUP they will think I’m in organ failure or something.

You think I’m joking, but it happened in the hospital after having Jasper. The nurses kept asking me or Jeff if I was OK because I looked so pale! Finally after I got up the energy to put on some makeup they stopped pestering me.

Anyway, I have no idea when I’ll feel up to blogging again after the ER, so any fertile thoughts you can send my way Monday would be appreciated!

The snow today wasn’t all bad though.. here’s my little snowmonster after having a snowball fight with Daddy:

Coming home to a big hug from him telling me that he missed me makes everything always feel better!