The waiting area once you get prepped is pretty wierd..  a large room with just curtains separating the beds. No TVs – thank god there was free wireless and we brought my iPad, but honestly I couldn’t stand to even look at it because I had a SPLITTING headache, presumably from not eating or being caffeinated.

Because the previous surgery ran over, our wait was even longer than normal so we sat there and listened to the drama unfolding just past the curtain next to us. Some poor old woman who had a patch on one eye had just gotten surgery on the other eye.  They wheeled her back next to us for recovery and she couldn’t see anything out of the eye that had been operated on. NOTHING? Asked the surgeon with way too much concern in his voice to be reassuring.  The whole episode could have been in an a hospital HR video on HOW NOT to handle an unexpected outcome. Luckily, she was just fine, the anesthetic was temporarily blinding her, but it was a little scary listening it unfold right before being wheeled into surgery!

I must say though that everyone at White Plains hospital was exceedingly nice..like even the people who did your intake, or wheeled you around would say “Nice to meet you” when they left, which went a long way toward making you feel like you are a person and not just another faceless patient. I particularly loved the anesthesiologist assistant who inserted my IV.. he actually came BACK to my bed and said in his slightly broken english “Ariana! You are 37?? You look good! Very good!” which of course endeared me to him forever.

After Dr Klein came in to talk to me it was finally time to be wheeled into surgery, at which point I waved good by to Jeff, they injected me with something to relax me before the anesthesia mask went on, but I never made it that far.. I was OUT 3 seconds after the relaxation drug.

The next thing I remember was shaking and having a really bad cramp that went all the way around my body – similar to a labor pain. I didn’t even realize my surgery was over until they told me. The anesthesiologist came over and (bless his heart) gave me Demerol which stopped my shaking and cramping and I’ve felt fine (if not a bit tired) ever since!

No nausea, no cramping, I haven’t even had to take advil! The only lingering effect is a dryness in my nose and a sore throat from the oxygen.

My Dr. gives the post op news to the person waiting for the patient because the patient is often too out of it to retain the information, so he told Jeff that the polyp was gone, it was big and had to be removed in pieces (yuck) and that he had found some other abnormality that Jeff could only remember something about widening and membrane.

This morning I emailed Dr. Klein to find out what actually happened and it turned out he had discovered a small uterine septum at the top of my uterus that he also excised.  It may not be a huge deal given that I’ve already carried one pregnancy successfully to term, but a septum is a “ridge of tissue” in the uterus that has poor blood supply and any embryo implanting there has a much higher chance of miscarriage.

So, all in all, it’s a great outcome. Hopefully with my now normal uterus I’ll have a much better chance of conceiving!  I get to start next cycle too – it’s a big relief to have this roadblock out of the way and move on to all the other fun stuff like injections.

Have a great weekend everyone!

At almost three, Jasper seems to be approaching just the right age for the “kids say the damdest things” type of utterances..

Like yesterday I had to take Jasper with me to the ATM and I told him we were going to the bank.   The next bank we passed on the way to ours he piped up and  said  “is that the money tank we are going to mommy? ”

Then, on the way home from the bank we passed the barber where he gets his haircut with daddy sometimes and I told him he needed a haircut again soon.  He assured me that he already had gotten one, at which point I tried to explain the concept of hair “growing.”  He thought about it for a minute and asked “Does the rain make it grow mommy?”

Then there are the heart melting things he says, like “I love your eyes mommy, they are beautiful” or, like yesterday when I looked back at him in the rearview mirror and he lifted his eyes to mine and said “I love in you in the world mommy,” which is his version of “I love you more than anything in the whole wide world,” something I tell him often.

Lately he has been waking up in the morning and saying really funny and random things plucked out half waking/half sleeping consciousness.   Yesterday morning was an interesting one when he proclaimed that soon he would have a little brother or sister. I asked him if he wanted mommy to have another baby, half expecting him to say no but he said “yes please.”

I sure hope he knows something that I don’t because I just got back from a consultation with an R.E. (reproductive endocrinologist) with a long list of necessary test and procedures. I sure didn’t realize I’d need to be repeating so many of them – somehow I guess I thought it would be easier the second time around.  But nope. Apparently  infertility is the gift that keeps on giving…

Scooby Dooby Doo!!!

Halloween party in Brooklyn..

Other than a super fun halloween party with all of our friends and their babies, it’s been a very difficult week.

Just when I thought things were improving, we had a serious step backwards when Jasper started choking during breastfeeding last week. I want to clarify choking, not choking like aspirating and coughing, but rather unable to breath and pulling off the breast and gasping for air.

It distressed him so much that he actually was refusing to eat or be positioned at the breast for a few days which had me sobbing thinking that this was the end of nursing him.. I was sure he’d only take bottles from now on.

Then he choked while taking the bottle. Something was seriously wrong so I got him in to see an Ear Nose and Throat (ENT) specialist right away. I told him that it almost sounded like he was congested and choking the way a baby would who had a cold so couldn’t breathe through his nose. The thing was though that the “congestion” came and went throughout the day. (I later realized it isn’t congestion at all but rather milk that somehow is getting in his nose while feeding.)

The ENT said he couldn’t see any congestion and he wanted to use the scope to check out Jasper’s anatomy… of course this had me totally freaked out because they put a long black tube down his nose.. poor little guy! He cried, but honestly it wasn’t so bad because he stopped crying only a minute or so after the scope was removed and it was only in there for about 10 seconds.

The diagnosis? Laryngomalacia and Dysphagia. Laryngomalacia is a small airway collapse and dysphagia is a swallowing disorder. He should grow out of it by 18 months he said. It can also be the cause (or some say the result of) reflux. The ENT said Jasper most certainly does suffer from reflux as he could see redness around his esophogeal opening.

At least that mystery is solved, I never felt quite right keeping him on Zantac not knowing for sure if he really suffered from GERD, but now that I know I can’t beleive I didn’t realize that as we hadn’t upped his dose with his growth his symptoms were coming back only worse!  It’s been a few days on the new dose and it actually seems to have helped with the choking even, so now I know we really need to stay on top of it and even possibly switch medications if it doesn’t get things under control.

It’s never boring around here!

In other medical news Jasper had to get his first shot (HIB) last friday and he took it like a champ. I was worried when the pedi looked into his ears and Jasper screamed for about 3 minutes that he would be inconsolable after the shot.. but he only cried for about 20 seconds. Aparantly the ear scope is much less comfortable. Silly kid :)

Jasper at Six Weeks

So I think it’s true what they say, babies get worse until 6 weeks and then start getting better until 3 months. This past week there have been several really good days, particularly Sunday when Sarah, Jay and baby Daphne came to visit. Jasper was playful, slept peacfully (during the day) and we even took him to the mall where he drank the bottle I brought with no fussing and we even breast fed for the first time in public using my hooter hider.

This doesn’t seem like a big deal, but anyone who’s watched him breastfeed at home would know that it’s quite a coup given the way he pulls off and needs to be burped every minute or two!  It felt so liberating just knowing that I can bring him places and not need to rush home to breastfeed, particularly since he’s been eating every two hours for the last 10 days or so.  That extra hour we used to get made such a big difference, I hope we get it back someday!

He had his tongue tie “surgery” last Thursday. I can’t say it wasn’t traumatic for me, but Jasper took it like a champ. I had to leave the room and my mom held his head steady.. when I came back in he had some dried blood smeared around his little mouth and it broke my heart. I cried the whole time I was out of the room listening to him cry. He started screaming at the top of his lungs the minute they swaddled him to confine him and my mom said there was no discernable difference in his cry from that to when they actually made the two snips (upper lip and tongue).  The Dr. said the part they hate most is when the Dr. has to apply pressure inside the mouth for 4 minutes to stop the bleeding.

After that, he breast fed immediately and calmed down and slept the 75 minute drive home. He was pretty good that night too, though the next day I think his tongue hurt him because he would let out little random cries periodically. But the worst of it was over within 48 hours.

The crazy thing is that we could see the difference in his mouth and expressions right away! I saw the tip of his little tongue for the first time ever. He also moves his upper lip more now, and can stick his tongue out beyond his gumline. I’ve also seen it go up to his soft palate, which was the whole point of the procedure to begin with.

I wish I could say it’s solved his tummy problems, but it hasn’t yet. I can feel that he’s capable of latching deeper now, but he still gulps, chokes, sputters and loses suction, particularly during let down. It could be that he may never be able to handle my over active let down, or, it could just be that he hasn’t learned to use his “new” tongue correctly yet. I have the lactation consultant coming back on Thursday so maybe she’ll be able to help us.

The good news is that he’s becoming a really happy daytime baby! The periods of happy, calm alertness are increasing and it seems that he only cries if he’s wet, has a big burp that needs to come out, or is hungry.

Nighttime is a different story.. he still has terrible gas pains that keep him crying, grunting, squirming and groaning in his sleep – and keep me from getting much sleep! If I put him on my chest, it stops some of the crying, but he still squirms too much for me to sleep well. He farts so much that I can’t tell if it’s all a result of air he swallowed while eating or if its an intestinal reaction to the content of the breast milk.

So, for now, the mystery of Jasper’s digestion continues. In the meantime, as we draw nearer to that magical 3 month mark, he will probably (hopefully!) grow out of it before we ever find out what it is!

I woke up early full of excitement about my BPP U/S (biophysical profile Ultrasound) to get a sense of how big the baby is and make sure things look Ok in there. There are a couple of concerns with post date babies other than size, like declining amniotic fluid levels and exchange between baby and placenta.

In order to get a growth estimate they need all these specific measurements which then calculate into some formula and then they tell you how big the baby is.

Everything started out well enough, until the tech asked me “Is your husband short?”

Me: “What? No, he’s 6′1″, why is the baby too short??”

Tech: “No.. just curious”

(Me: yeah right!)

Then she proceeds to take the femur length measurement about 100 times. At this point I know something is wrong…

“Is there something wrong with his leg?” I ask.

Turns out there’s this screen at the end of a BPP that shows you what weeks and days all the measurements come out to. Baby’s head is appropriately sized for 40 weeks 5 days, (i.e. big!) and his abdomen too. But the first measurements she got of his leg was for just 37 weeks and change. After trying to get better angles she managed to up this to 38 weeks, but I could tell it still isn’t enough because she talked about getting a colleague in there to try to get a better shot etc. You know it’s bad when they need someone else to take a look!

After we’d been at it for over an hour, she tried to reassure me that it’s probably something technical, i.e the measurement is off and that I shouldn’t worry etc.

Telling me not to worry is a complete exercise in futility – worrying is second nature to me, and when I think there is something wrong with my baby, there is NO stopping my head from constructing the worse possible scenarios.

After the U/S I went up to L&D for a Non Stress Test (NST) and to go over the U/S results with the Midwife on call Judy, who happened to be the midwife I saw at my last 40 week appointment.

Everything but the leg came back normal, though they did estimate his weight at 8lbs 8 oz. and based on ALL the measurements put my due date at 8/17/08 rather than 8/10/08. I guess everything but his head measured a bit behind?  But how could he be a week behind and weight that much? It doesn’t even make sense.

Judy agreed. She palpated my stomach and said she really didn’t think he was 8.5 lbs. I voiced my concern over the leg measurement and she told me that a 38 week leg measurement is a term measurement and I shouldn’t worry.

She also shared with me that at one of her son’s growth scans the tech told her his limbs were the size of dwarfism limbs! She was trying to make me feel better, but then she did say he is really short (though definitely NOT a dwarf.)   So I guess maybe Jasper will just be really really short? I’m not sure what to make of all this.

Of course I googled short femur measurement and immediately wished I hadn’t. There are all sorts of genetic disorders that this can be a marker for, even developing this late in the game. Things like Down’s syndrome, dwarfism etc. etc.

I know 38 weeks doesn’t seem like that far behind in measurements, but at this point I’m 2 days shy of 41 weeks, so it’s 3 weeks behind which is several standard deviations below normal. The midwife isn’t concerned at all, but that is small comfort to me when it comes to my baby!

In terms of progress news, she also did an internal and said I’m now a “Loose” 1cm, about 60% effaced and -1 station. So that’s a tiny bit of progress.. maybe the acupuncture session last night had some effect.

She also said they won’t let me go all the way until 42 weeks, I need to have the baby before then. They also don’t like to induce over the weekend, so if I don’t go into spontaneous labor (and she told me she thought I would within a few days) we’re looking at a next Thursday or latest next Friday induction.

Now I don’t give a rat’s ass about any of that though.. I just want to know he’s healthy. Short little legs and all :(

I had the sweetest ultrasound tech in the world. He’s a young dad of three, and he took the time to show me and explain everything he was looking at including even drawing me a diagram of cervical shapes etc. What a sweetheart.

Jasper scored an 8 out of 8 on the BPP (Biophysical profile) for which you get 2 points each for amniotic fluid level, tone (fetal movement), breath tones (lung function) and growth (femur length.)

He showed me the various pockets of amniotic fluid, where they were and how the measured them, my level was a very nice 15.5.  Honestly baby didn’t look much different than he did at 20 weeks, but it was pretty cool to see his little chest expand while he was taking breaths.

His femur measured for 30 weeks and a few days, so right on track.  He turned on the sound and the heat sensor thingy that shows the umbilical cord exchange between my blood and baby’s and everything looked good there too, so overall, no reason that little Jasper should be quite so eager to get out yet.

I called Lisha the head midwife at Open Door as she was the midwife on call yesterday in L&D. I haven’t met her in person but I love her already. She told me that in light of those results, no bedrest necessary, but also need to take it easy until 36 weeks. I.e. no gym for me or any other strenuous activities (including sex.)

Also, my urine culture and GB strep test came back negative, so I can stop taking the antibiotics they gave me as a precautionary measure.

So the news is all good, now I can return to happier blogging topics like nursery decorating and baby products!!

:)

Saturday night I was still having contractions, but not as much yesterday day… until they got me hooked up for my monitoring at the hospital. The midwife had ordered an hour of monitoring along with my second shot of steroids to mature jasper’s lungs.

For the first 15 minutes, other than his extreme hyperactivity (calm down in there baby boy, you’re already wearing your old mamma out!) everything was uneventful.. but then, the contractions started again and went on for another 45 minutes. Some were pretty small, but there were a couple that almost felt like mild labor contractions, really strong and with some pain in my lower abdomen.

I couldn’t see the output of the monitor, and kept asking my mom if it was picking up the contractions because the day before, if I started contracting heavily they’d run into the room to see me.  Turns out the monitor wasn’t tight or low enough. After they readjusted they could see them register and I had a couple more big ones and a bunch of smaller.

The Midwife on call was Patricia, the one I’d seen at the clinic on Friday. She was really sweet and teased me that didn’t I know they only delivered “normal full term babies at phelps??” I told her I just couldn’t wait to see them again. Anyway, after my second shot of steroids, she did another internal and said my cervix felt about the same as from yesterday, still high and closed (very good) but soft (not as good).

Since there was no cervical change as a result of the contractions, she left it up to me if I wanted a shot of terbutaline to stop the current contractions I was having.  I declined since she said it would only help for a short time anyway.

The good news is she said I didn’t really need to be on bedrest. I am going for an ultrasound today to my more local hospital to get the cervical length and shape checked, and also what they call bpp (bio physical profile) of the baby to make sure the placenta, baby and amniotic fluid levels seem ok. I hope that everything is alright in there and that his recent hyperactivity isn’t a result of him NEEDING to come out for some reason!

Patricia also mentioned that the one time I did have my cervix measured at my 20 week big ultrasound, it wasn’t that big anyway (3.4) so it won’t be surprising if its pretty low now. She said normal is closer to 5 to begin with.. but more importantly, we don’t want to see any funneling, or the shape changing from a closed T to a more open U type shape.

So, stay tuned, ultrasound at 1pm.. I’ll update this afternoon hopefully with good news.

Thanks again for all your well wishes :)

Yesterday (saturday) morning, I wiped and saw blood, more like a dark brown discharge. I also was feeling some super mild menstrual type cramping and decided to call the midwives to see if they thouht I should come in. I got a midwife named Judy who was the midwife who was on at Phelps and she told me to come into labor and delivery and she would examine me just to be on the safe side.

What I thought would be a quick in and out visit turned into an 8 hour ordeal.

First they swabbed me for the FFN test (Fetal Fibronectin) which is a test for a specific substance that is found in the placenta.  A negative test means that it can theoretically be ruled out that you will go into labor sometime in the next two weeks (it’s not 100% accurate). A positive test is less predictive, it doesn’t mean you WILL go into labor, but it doesn’t mean you won’t, and obviously at just 30 weeks, you don’t want to see a positive test.

Mine came back positive.

This meant that I had to receive steroid shots to mature Jasper’s little lungs just incase the worst happens and I do go into premature labor he’ll have a better chance of not having to be on a ventilator. 

Then came the all important check of the cervix. This was my first “internal” exam and can I just say OUCH!! It felt like her whole arm was up there twisting around, and then, she’d go a little further. Not pleasant.

The good news is my cervix is still high and closed (thank god) but she did say it felt soft.. the softening could be the cause of the mysterious bleeding, but they can’t say for sure.

After the postive FFN test and first internal exam I was told I would have to stay for two hours and monitored coninuously for contractions.  If, after two hours I wasn’t having contractions there was no change in my cervix, I would be allowed to go home provided I come back in 24 hours for my second dose of steroids.

No sooner was she about to unhook me than I started having consistent contractions for about 20-30 minutes straight. They were very concerned about this new development and decided to hook me up to an IV to see if the extra hydration stopped them.  After the first IV bag was gone, I had a few more contractions so they decided to give me a shot of terbutaline to stop them.

The terbutaline makes your heart race and you feel a little like you can’t breath, or at least I did. At this point though I was so tired of being on my back and hooked up to monitors that I think part of the lack of breath was a mild case of clausterphobia/anxiety.

Judy decided they would wait on the second dose of terbutaline to see if the contractions would stop from the first one.  A few more big ones in a row sealed the deal and I had to get the second shot.

The second one appears to have been the charm, as I only had two really baby contractions after that so they rechecked my cervix (3rd time!) and sent me home with strict orders to call or come back if I started contracting regularly again.

I have to go back today for my second steroid shot, some monitoring, and hopefully the OB on call will be there so that I can get a cervical length sonogram. If she’s not there, I have to come back on Monday for the sono.

At first I wasn’t sure because I’ve been having contractions for a while now, but there defintely was a change in my body yesterday so now I’m convinced the brown discharge means something. It would happen occasionally before, but now, each and every time I get up from the bedrest I’ve been confined to I get a massive contraction followed by a few smaller ones for a few minutes. It’s pretty scary to think that at just 30 weeks I may be confined to bedrest, particularly given that I am SOOOO unfomfortable lying down!

I think the worst part of the experience (aside from the obvious fear for the health of my baby if born at 30 weeks) was not the IV, the internal exams or the shots, but the having to lie in that hospital bed hooked up to monitors for 8 hours straight!

My butt and back were killing me and it was hard to shift positions because everytime I did it would throw off the contraction monitoring and would also sometimes cause Jasper to shift positions and we’d lose his heart beat on the monitor and everyone would come in, and I’d have to be adjusted.. it was just not worth it to change positions too much and I was dying of discomfort. 

On the positive side, I know know what to expect in terms of getting an IV and internal exams, I know some of the nurses and midwives, Jeff knows his way to the hospital and it all seems so much more ‘real’ now.

Please keep your fingers crossed for me that my cervix still has some length, otherwise I’m afraid I’ll be on bedrest for the remaining 10 weeks.. I can’t even imagine how much that will suck, though of course it’s worth it if it keeps our little guy cooking on the inside for longer.

I’ll try to write an update later tonight or definitely tomorrow.

Hope you had a less eventful weekend!

The rest of my OB appointment was uneventful. I just told her I was leaving. Didn’t get too much into the details but I think she got the idea. She reviewed the blood tests with me, gave me an actual prescription for some iron that is supposed to be easily digested called “Repliva” or something like that. I have some samples to see if it agrees with me.

She said the liver functions were high, but not alarmingly so unless they continue to go up, but she gave me a lab order to get a complete metabolic panel just in case.

She thought that the CMV looked like it was an old exposure, so she didn’t think I needed to repeat that, which is what I figured.

That’s about all the news on the medical front. Onto something more fun – Baby names!

Here are two cool baby name websites I just found out about.

#1 Baby Namescape

This site takes the SS office popularity scale one step further and actually lets you see by hospital which are the top 10 names! Very cool for determining what is too trendy and popular in YOUR particular area.

# 2 What Your Name Means (based on Numerology)

This is really interesting, because when I put in Jasper and our last name, it came up with something very different then when I put in the other name that was at the top of our list (Phoenix) . The unusual part was that the differences were in line of what I would perceive from someone with that name..

For example, Jasper’s meaning was all about being a humanitarian, a caregiver, an idealist, ie:

The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community.

Where as for Pheonix, it was all about being a leader, a charismatic risk taker:

A number 1 Expression denotes the skilled executive with keen administrative capabilities. You must develop the capacity to be a fine leader, sales executive, or promoter. You have the tools to become an original person with a creative approach to problem solving, and a penchant for initiating action. Someone may have to follow behind you to handle the details, but you know how to get things going and make things happen. You have a good mind and the ability to use it for your advancement. Because of these factors, you have much potential for achievement and financial rewards. Frequently, this expression belongs to one running a business or striving to achieve a level of accomplishment on ones talents and efforts. You have little need for much supervision, preferring to act on your own with little restraint. You are both ambitious and determined. Self-confident and self-reliant must be yours, as you develop a strong unyielding will and the courage of your convictions.

Makes you think doesn’t it?

I finally called in to see if they had my blood work results back.  After the usual bumbling fumbling of my name etc, they couldn’t find them so said they would call me back.

A while later the doc himself calls (wow, that’s a first!) and tells me that my blood tests show I’m anemic, and there are many viruses that can cause anemia, so I need to be tested again in two weeks.

“Viruses like pregnancy?” I ask (half joking).

“Your not pregnant!” He proceeds to tell me.  Uh ok. You’ve just confirmed every suspicion I’ve ever had about doctors NEVER reading patients’ charts.

Glad we have that cleared up.

I go on to tell him that I had come back anemic from the first trimester blood tests and that my OB had told me they’d “check it again later in pregnancy.” On a side note, I get more and more pissed that at my last OB visit they didn’t mention that as a possible reason for my extreme fatigue. (See two paragraphs up about never reading patients’ charts.)

I ask him specifically about the CMV results. He says they are “high for CMV” but that it looks like an old infection. He aslo says I’m high for Epstein Barr, but also an old infection. 

I mention to him that I’m very concerned about the CMV results, that its quite bad for the baby if the mother does contract a primary CMV infection during pregnancy.

“I don’t know anything about that” he says.

Even more reason my stupid OBs office should have taken care of this to begin with. GRRRR.

So bottom line is we know that I’m anemic (no surprise there given previous test results) and that I have antibodies for both epstein barr and CMV. I will have repeat testing done, which from what I read is really the only way to know if what you have is an “accute” infection.

Given how I currently feel about both my OB and this primary care doc, I’m not sure I trust EITHER of them to make the definitive diagnosis of primary vs. old infection because:

A) They have both proven to slightly incompetant

B) These diagnoses are pretty hard to make to begin with and

C) None of the docs in my OB practice or Primary care practice are Dr. House. I mean they barely seem to have a grasp of their own area of “expertise” let alone virology or immunology!

I’m not sure anyone will correctly be able to interpret my blood results, but obviously I’ll have the repeat test done in a few weeks.