During the work week, it’s not THAT bad, particularly now that we’ve stopped letting daycare put him down for a nap – he’s asleep by 8:30pm which is a HUGE improvement over the 10:30 bedtimes we were dealing with. But the weekends are a bit rough, particularly because I haven’t been feeling that well since Jeff gave me whatever mysterious illness he was harboring before he hopped on the plane (thanks babe!)

Keep in mind too that everything I’m about to complain about is compounded by the fact that Jasper does not listen to a word I say so that EVERY task, no matter how small and mundane becomes a battle of epic proportions. Sometimes just getting him to GET IN HIS CARSEAT can send me over the edge. In fact, I’m quite sure that our neighbors will be calling CPS to investigate us at any moment based on the fact that I am constantly yelling at him to GET IN THE CAR NOW as he stops to turn on a map light, pick up whatever random toy he threw on the car floor the day before, pretend “fall” and yet a million other stall tactics designed to drive me insane during this task that we have to repeat at least 5 times a day.

I think this pictures pretty much sums up the stage he’s in at the moment:

Also add to the backdrop of it all the fact that he asks me “Mommy can you play with me?” every second of every day. Literally, I could be getting dressed, shirt over my head, in the bathroom brushing my teeth, in the kitchen cooking breakfast- any one of a multitude of tasks which quite obviously make it impossible for me to in fact stop what I am doing and play.  And yes I know that it’s SO sweet that he’s at an age where he actually desperately wants to spend time with me – but damn it would be nice if he could entertain himself for more than .5 seconds! And then there’s the guilt too that comes with saying no, I can NOT play with you right now all the time.

So the stage has been set, here is just a little recap of the actual events of the weekend:

Yesterday I had a sales session in the morning that my parents thankfully babysat for, but  didn’t really have much planned for the rest of the day (we had a playdate that got canceled) so I took him to Target to shop for the three birthday parties we have coming up this week.  I know you are shaking your head wondering what I was thinking bringing the 3 year old with me to buy toys for OTHER children, but remember I didn’t really have the option of leaving him home (see the husband is away bit!)

I ALMOST managed to put the toys in the cart without him quite realizing what was going on, but, because he insisted on sitting in the basket part of the cart I had the toys sort of leaning on the handle bars so of course he spotted the Play doh ice cream set and his eyes got HUGE and he said “Mommy is that for ME???!” in a voice so genuinely excited and full of anticipation that I could not NOT get him one of his own. Sigh.

Oh well, at least a new toy would provide some much needed distraction.  I also picked up a robe for him because that’s his other new thing – even though our old drafty house is FREEZING to all other normal humanoids, somehow Jasper finds the constant need to take his sweaters and socks off.

Channeling Hugh and demonstrating his new and oft used sulky face:

Playing with his new guilt-gift play doh set:

After play-doh he wanted to watch a movie but he needed a bath, cue the “I don’t want to get into the bath / I won’t get OUT of the bath” routine:

At some point that night I developed a migraine-like nausea inducing headache, and then this morning I woke up with a stomach ache that lasted all day.  Had Jeff been here I would have definitely sent him with the kid and the present to the birthday party we had scheduled at 10:30, but instead I dragged my ass into the shower, fed the child (no, I don’t WANT scrambled eggs!) wrapped the gift (melt down because I didn’t let him do the actual wrapping) and headed off to Wee Play.

But not before I grabbed Jasper and quietly and purposefully held his hand, looked him in the eye and told him that mommy really wasn’t feeling well and that I needed him to PLEASE help me by listening, getting his coat on without a fight and into the carseat without giving me a hard time.   This approach used to work, but aparantly not anymore because literally seconds after our little “conversation” he was playing a game he made up that consisted of him refusing to put his arms into his jacket (wow, FUN!)

Finally we make it to wee-play and it’s a much needed time-killer. He has a blast on the big kid giant climber and made it to the truck at the tippy top with no fear:

But apparently the giant corkscrew tube slide was too dark and scary because I had to climb up it three times to rescue him.

I’ve only ever been to Wee play when it was PACKED, teaming with kids, but I guess I’d never been there before at naptime because by 1pm it was a ghost town.. apparently I’m the only one lucky enough to have a child who is impervious to the need for sleep.  We stuck around until about 3 before we headed home because I was feeling so bad I thought I was going to die. I counted the minutes until my parents got home from their errands and we could go over there for dinner. I had hoped that dinner was going to be more than just us literally eating (we can do that at home, it’s really a break that I need!) but they didn’t get home until after 6pm and I really want him in bed reading books by 8pm on nights when he doesn’t nap. It was a quick visit but Jasper did manage to get in a little bit of playtime with Pop-pop before we left:

So we finally get home, I throw a load of laundry in, get his milk and water ready for bedtime and am about to come upstairs when Jasper tells me that Sammy (our 17 year old deaf, blind and incontinent dog) is falling down the stairs.

I put everything I’m carrying down and pick her up to put her outside and she literally PEES ALL OVER ME as well as a good deal of the stairs, carpet and wood floor that I put her down on once I realized what was happening.

At this point, something just snapped inside my brain and I let out a strangled sounding scream of frustration, which apparently really freaked Jasper out because he started bawling. So now, I’m covered in pee, the floor is covered in pee, my child is wailing, I’m feeling like the world’s worst mom and it’s now almost 8:30 and we haven’t even STARTED the whole bedtime process.

The scary thing is that the REAL fun hasn’t even begun yet: I go off the pill tonight to start our IVF cycle, so at some point this week I get to start the whole trying to get to the fertility clinic in time for monitoring routine.  And if it works? I’ll have these wonderful business trips of Jeff’s to look forward to with TWO babies and an incontinent geriatric dog to care for on my own.. yippee!!!

I'm so cute I think I can get away with anything..

This is a disturbing new development.. whenever I tell Jasper “No” or not to do something, or pretty much anything he doesn’t like he hits me. It’s almost instinctual, I don’t see him sit there and think about it and then do it anyway, it’s like his hand darts out to kind of swipe you quickly if he doesn’t like what he’s hearing.   Because we’ve emphasized how he should be nice and hug us and say he’s sorry if he’s done something wrong he immediatlely runs over and tries to hug you after he’s hit you, as if he can get away with anything so long as he hugs you afterwards (truth be told, it’s pretty hard to resist that hug/apology!)

When I dropped him off at daycare this morning, the class bully was exiting the bathroom and ran by Jasper and Jasper gently swiped him and the bully swiped back harder.. it was then that I realized EXACTLY where Jasper learned this behavior!  It’s funny because I had worried about the bully BULLYING Jasper, but hadn’t even thought of the fact that Jasper might also start to learn and emulate this type of behavior himself.  Obviously it’s nothing serious (though I did see the bully trying to push another toddler backwards down the little steps up to the indoor slide!) but it IS an annoyance because it happens so often that putting him in time out every time he does it gets exhausting and doesn’t seem to be having any effect.  Lately I’ve been trying to just escape him and tell him that “no one wants to play with someone who hits” but if you can’t physically keep him from you he comes running over and tries to give you a hug!  What do you say to that??

I’m all ears!

Jasper is a bit of a book connoisseur, which is to say that at any given time he will only consent to me reading about half of his book collection. The other half he pushes away and says no to.   I know toddlers love repetition, but mommy needs a little variety so I’m in the market for a few great new bedtime books!  There’s only so many times I can read “Quiet Loud” or “Mr. Brown Can Moo” before I lose my mind.

I plan on ordering Corduroy (even though it chokes me up!) because Jasper is so in love with bears, but other than that I need some suggestions, what are your toddler’s favorite books right now?

Jasper used to always cry when I put him down for naps and at bedtime. Usually not more than a minute or so, but still, I wanted to try something to make the transition to the crib a little smoother.

One thing I think we all instinctively feel is that cribs aren’t particularly cozy – a cold sheet, no pillow and blanket – it’s no wonder the transition isn’t so easy!  So I decided to add two things to Jasper’s crib, a soft blanket (a lovey really) and a Carter’s velour crib sheet (also available at BRU).

The lovey blanket we also picked up at BRU, though I don’t see it on their website.. the colors matched Jasper’s nursery perfectly!

CoCaLo Emory Sherpa Blanket

Obviously the exact blanket doesn’t matter, just that it’s soft and cozy!  Of course toddlers sleeping with blankets can be controversial and you must feel comfortable with this – if you are not, just the velour crib sheet will really make a difference.  How much you ask?

The day after I put on his new crib sheet he started playing this “game” with us when we would go to get him in the morning where he would lay down, and just look at you.. like he didn’t really want to get up!

These changes alone didn’t imake going down for bed or nap a completely tearless afair until I started saying “Good night Jasper” after his last book and then holding him and singing 4 short songs while I rock him in my arms. If I do this, there are no tears at all!

I think the little extra step in between books and bed really helps transition him into sleepy time.

It seems strange rethink something so simple at his age (like shouldn’t I have figured this out a long time ago?) but sometimes little changes can make a huge difference and a welcome change!

My heart started beating faster and I actually considered deleting it without listening..what if I came across as a complete idiot, or worse – boring! I had actually half convinced myself that they weren’t going to air it at all because, as usual,  I thought of what I SHOULD have said only after we hung up from the call.

In the end, I put in on my ipod but listened first to an unbelievably amazing Terry Gross interview with Kathleen Sheeder Bonanno (warning, beautiful but very very sad) and only after that was over did I dare dial up my podcast.  (My petty concerns about making a fool out of myself over the air suddenly seemed rather unimportant in comparison to the pain of losing a daughter and writing a beautiful book of poetry about it. )

I pressed play and braced myself for an experience akin to nails on a chalkboard. But I was pleasantly suprised that even though I didn’t get across all the information I had hoped to in coherent a way as I would have liked to, I at least didn’t sound like a complete idiot.

Now if you are reading my blog, chances are you already avail yourself freely of the wonderful parenting support system available on the world wide web and won’t learn much if anything from the podcast, but I’m linking to it anyway just incase. If nothing else,  you can get a good laugh out of it at my expense :)

Because we didn’t get to discuss the wonderful list of tips and web resources that I gathered with your help, I’m going to post them here. Most of you know most of these things already, but future readers and new readers might find a new site or tidbit of information that they hadn’t already known. This list is a result of me asking you all what the most valuable tips you read on the internet that you wouldn’t have otherwise known and also what sites you find most useful/couldn’t live without:

RANDOM PARENTING TIPS:

• That infants should actually ride rear facing up until 2 years old, not 1 like was previously suggested
• That there is a 4 month sleep regression!
• That the sun bleaches out breast fed baby poop stains
• That you can wash small bottle and pump parts in a laungerie bag in the dishwasher.

PRODUCTS

• The Moby Wrap (and knock offs)
• The Homedics lullaby soundspa (AKA Baby Crack Machine)
• The mesh feeder teether filled with ice as remedy for teething baby
• Mommy necklaces to keep distracably breastfeeding baby occupied
• The Miracle Blanket
• The book “The Wonder Weeks“

Great online communities/websites

• for breastfeeding support www.kellymom.com
• for reflux support http://www.infantreflux.org/forum/
• for crunchy attachment parenting: http://www.mothering.com/discussions/
• for general parenting advice: www.askmoxie.orgfor weekly pregnacy and baby updates: www.babycenter.com
• for EVERYTHING about trying to conceive, infertility, pregnancy and being a mom : www.thebump.com
• for photography tips, the pregnancy.org photography boards: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboards/forumdisplay.php?f=239
• and for more photography (everything you ever wanted to know!) www.ilovephotography.com (you must become a registered member to read the forums)

And if you do wander over to New Moms New Babies, there is a great episode for all of you NON dslr owner point and shoot mommy photographers – yes, you who I so often and so shamefully neglect. It’s called “How to Photograph Your Baby” and there are some great basic tips to help anyone instantly take better photos of your baby!

Enjoy!

When she sent me the link the guest post she wrote on 4BabyAndMom I couldn’t NOT share it with you.  I count myself lucky if I remember to leave the house with both of Jasper’s shoes and socks without forgetting my purse or cell phone.  Sometimes, when Monday rolls around I am actually RELIEVED because I’ve been home with Jasper three days straight and need the “break” that daycare and my office job provide.   And here is Audrey , mother of SIX who not only stays at home but homeschools. And not only homeschools but manages to find time to run a thriving etsy business and keep her marriage intact and even find sometime for herself.

I found her advice fascinating, particularly the part about responsibility and discipline.  It really made me question how I can instill that same sense of group responsibility into Jasper that Audrey does into her brood, and also how to avoid the  sense of entitlement that so often comes with being an only child.

When a child is your only child and the center of your universe it is a delicate art to instill a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence without crossing the line into spoiled rotten territory!  And I know because I WAS one of those children..

I grew up in a well-off family with a housekeeper, and yes some “chores” in high school, but prior to that I can remember going to a close friend’s house and trying to help them clean.. I’ll never forget the look on their faces when I confessed I didn’t know HOW to use the vacuum! And I wasn’t even an only child – though having one sister 8 years younger it sometimes felt that way.

Jeff and I don’t have the kind of money that my parents did back then, but in so many ways it’s less about the actual financial status and just as much if not more about values and attitudes.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on all this – were you spoiled as a child or not? If so, how do you plan on avoiding the same fate for your child/children? What things do you plan on doing differently or the same as the way you were brought up?

Tantrum? Who, me? Never!

Today’s Mommy SOS question comes from Heather who’s son is a bit older than Jasper and many of your little ones too, but I believe there are some other experienced mommy readers out there (JBhat? MrsLimestone?) that can help.  And to tell the truth Jasper has been throwing mini tantrums since about 8 months, so age may not be the determining factor here!

Heather writes:

“My son has started throwing TEMPER TANTRUMS when he can’t have what he wants! Yikes! I’ve read that this behavior tends to happen in the half years…18 mo, 30 mo, but what should I do? Ignore? Hug? Distract (it only works sometimes!) Time out (which I hate the thought of!) Any ideas from fellow moms?”

OK, so up until recently I thought a stern “NO” would have the desired effect.. that is to stop Jasper from performing the undesirable behavior which elicited said no.  Oh say for example when Jasper is throwing every little piece of food off his highchair for the umpteenth time! But what ends up happening is that he laughs at me. HYSTERICALLY-  as if NO were the funniest thing he’s ever heard.

So I say it even more firmly, adding in a head shake for emphasis.

You know what that gets me? Jasper STILL throws every little scrap of food off his highchair but now he shakes his head no while he does it! Of course this is the cutest thing ever and I can’t help but die laughing which I try not to let him see me do, after all I definitely don’t want to encourage this behavior.

So I put “buy books on baby discipline” on my miracle to do list (miracle in the sense that no matter how many items I cross off, another one always appears to take it’s place!)

But then I heard a very interesting episode of the New Mommies, New Babies podcast that featured a childhood development expert. She said that babies are too young to manipulate or need discipline. They need to be “taught” the right way through example and that you  should distract and teach by modeling the proper behavior.

Her example was of a baby that throws his bottle repeatedly.. you would say “We don’t throw bottles, bottles are not for throwing. Balls are for throwing, do you want to throw the ball?

Of course this is easier said than done, but I thought it was really interesting.. because I could have SWORN that Jasper was throwing the food off that highchair just to annoy me and to manipulate me into picking it up again!  Now that I see it as just another “game” or instance of him learning about his world it’s a bit less annoying.. but only a bit!

So, what are the things your baby does that drive you absolutely CRAZY? And what advice can you offer Heather and the rest of us that has worked for you?