Jeff has never been to my RE. Ever. So he sort of surprised me the day before saying he wanted to come just in case god forbid everything wasn’t ok in there.

When we got into the ultrasound room and jeff saw the “wand” and realized it was going to be a vaginal and not abdominal ultrasound he just about passed out. Great, he’s going to be a lot of help during childbirth.

The doctor came in and saw this, and declared that we were pregnant with a healthy looking singleton:

Huh? Where?

Once he pointed it out to me, it was pretty obvious:

Ultrasound of Embryonic Sac at 4 weeks 6 days. 

Yay, we have a little blob! I told jeff it kind of looked like him :) We’ve taken to calling it our “blobby” instead of baby.

Dr. K asked me when I wanted to come in again next week. I decided to wait until the latter part of th week so that we have  a better chance of seeing a heartbeat.  So next ultrasound is December 20th. A strong heartbeat will be the best Christmas present ever!

Later I got the call from the nurse that my Beta HCG level was up to 3388 (this would be 22dpIUI), which is a doubling time of about 40.5 hours. The average beta reported on www.betabase.info for that day is 2247, so I’m pretty happy with that number.

My progesterone is only at about 28, which seems a bit low to me, but the nurse said all the numbers were great, so I’m not going to worry (for once!)

My Beta went up from 33 @ 12dpIUI to 191 @ 15dpIUI!  That’s almost doubling every 24 hours instead of 48.  (OMG, I wonder if there are two in there?)  Needless to say I am extremely relieved.. I was so panicked before I seriously didn’t breathe all day.

The other good news is my progesterone also doubled from 16 to 33. Phew.

I go in for an ultrasound next Monday.. I’m not even sure what they can see that early, I think they just check the placement of the sac and make sure its in the uterus and not ectopic or anything..

I’m a little nervous that I’m not getting a 3rd Beta, but I guess that also means they think everything is going to be fine. Plus, I don’t think I could live through another today, so its just as well!

:)

Remember the new calm I posted about yesterday after hearing from my RE?

Its gone.

I’m in full on panick mode which I KNOW is stressful for my body and the little bean inside if it still is indeed hanging on.

This morning I was in the waiting room of my RE’s office waiting to get my blood drawn and the stress/worry/anticipation just got to be too overwhelming and I ran to the bathroom and started bawling.

I’ve never been more scared or anxious or wanted something more in my entire life than this baby and I can’t believe it will all come down to one phone call this afternoon.

To make matters worse, we are launching a new website at work tomorrow and I need to actually get work done today. And if the news is bad, going home or taking tomorrow off is not an option.  I know I shouldn’t even think about that, but I can’t help myself.

Dear Universe, please don’t take this pregnancy away from me..

First of all, yesterday morning I emailed Dr. K. my concerns about the low Beta:

“I don’t know if you saw but my Beta only came back at 33 and P4 at 16.

The day before my Beta I had a clear positive HPT which means my HCG level
couldn’t have been much less than 25 on thursday, so for it only to go up
to 33 the following day doesn’t seem like nearly enough.

I’m really scared that this is too low, please be honest with me and let
me know your thoughts?”

To which he replied:

“I think for an early hcg level it is quite high – honestly. To speculate a quantitative measure from urine is dangerous. Time will tell, but it is a strong first number for
only 14 days from ovulation trigger.”

Did you see that! He said it was quite high! I’m not sure where he’s getting that, but hey, I’ll take any shred of hope I can get.

The second thing that made me feel MUCH better was the HPT I took again yesterday:

See how the line yesterday (13dpIUI) was clearly much stronger than the two previous days? That means my HCG level must have gone up in the last 24 hours (and from the looks of it, by quite a bit).. which is a very good thing. Maybe I’ll be getting a strong beta tomorrow after all?

So after analyzing pee sticks and obsessing over my Beta #s all morning, it was time to go to my dear friend Sarah’s baby shower.

I had been dreading this shower ever since I realized sometime midway through my last cycle that I would find out if IUI #2 had worked a day or two before the shower. Of course I never really imagined the result would be a BFP, I was so SURE that the shower was going to be torturous for me.. and let me tell you IT WOULD HAVE BEEN!

A little background here. We have three couples that make up our group of close friends. Sarah & Jay, Mike & Tracy and Sara & Mando. Sarah & Jay (of the baby shower yesterday) got married almost a year after us and were pregnant about 2.5 seconds later with an oops baby. Fast forward about another month.. Mike & Tracy get married and guess what? about 2.6 seconds later they are also pregnant with an oops baby.

Please don’t get me wrong I LOVE these woman, and I am over the moon happy for them about their pregnancies, but that still doesn’t make it fair!

Of course there were a gazillion pregnant ladies at the shower yesterday so someone suggested taking a picture of all the “bellies” and when they all stand up, my OTHER friend Sara (of Sara & Mando) stands up too. And we’re all like no, its just the pregnant women. And she starts shaking and says she knows…. yep, she’s 17 weeks pregnant!!

She was on the pill and STILL got pregnant. Could I have a more fertile group of friends?? I guess it was just a matter of time hanging around all that fertility that some of it would rub off on us!

My friend Amy and I had suspected that Sara with no H was pregnant since the last time we saw her at my birthday party in October based on her boob size, but didn’t say anything.

This is funny because yesterday Sarah with an H (baby shower Sarah) sat down next to me and said “Are you pregnant?”. It totally took me by surprise, but she had apparently noticed that for the first time in my life I actually have boobs.

I had to rather lamely deny it, I just can’t let it out this early, there’s still too much chance of something going wrong.

A few hours later my OTHER two pregnant friends Sarah with no H and Tracy confront me and say they think I’m pregnant. At this point I’m totally flustered.. I don’t know what to say, I sputter something about not knowing yet or whatever, totally unconvincing I’m sure.

So my question is, how the hell DO people keep the secret? Apparently me and all my girlfriends have some sort of supernatural boob size sensor because we all just KNEW each and every time one of the other got pregnant even if it wasn’t confirmed until much later.

Its kind of sweet actually.

So what could have gone down as one of the worst days of my infertile life (OMG, another OOPS I’m pregnant friend and I still don’t have a baby??) was instead really exciting.. sara with no H is 17 weeks so our kids will be 3-4 months apart! And all of us will have children within 1-2 years of age of each other.. so none of us have to be the “childless” couple that doesn’t fit in anymore.

That is a true blessing and I am so grateful that I get to share in this journey with my wonderful girlfriends and their husbands as we all move on to this exciting next stage of our lives together.

Beta at 12dpIUI = 33.1

Progesterone = 16.8

Both seem pretty low to me. My lovely friends from the TTTC board on the nest said its fine and I shouldn’t be worried, but how do you not worry? Particularly when, according to Betabase.info the median HCG level at 12 days is 48??That’s a lot higher than 33..and that’s just the median! Half of the people had levels ABOVE that.

And shouldn’t my progesterone level be higher given that I’m on the progesterone suppositories?

I know I’ve read that you aren’t supposed to obsess about the level itself, just that it doubles (going in Monday for my next Beta) but its much easier said than done.

In the meantime, Jeff and I are in this weird limbo, excited beyond belief on the one hand, but frightened out of our wits on the other.

It’s going to be a very, very long weekend.

Its so nice to see that word.. no lines to interpret, just that one little word. How can it contain such joy? And such fear?

Needless to say I didn’t sleep at all last night.. Poor Jeff, I kept waking him up with all my tossing and turning and asking him “How can you sleep? We are PREGNANT!”

Then I rushed off this morning to RMA for a Beta. I won’t know the results until late this afternoon, which makes for a very very long day.

I do want to go back to yesterday though.

I came home from acupuncture expecting some sort of romantic greeting (flowers would have been nice honey) and instead Jeff is sitting on the couch with his laptop on his lap and doesn’t even get up to hug me.

When I was like “hello, I’m pregnant, can I get a little celebratory reaction here?” he kept saying that he wouldn’t believe it until the doctor said it was true.. he was half joking, but not really. He doesn’t know/understand the accuracy of HPTs, what the hell a Beta is,  why it needs to double, he’s just so in the dark that I think he’s scared to be excited too soon.

So all in all, there was no tender “you’re going to be a daddy” hallmark moment for me.

Back to the present..

I am really not feeling many symptoms at all. Some random tightening cramps, constipation of course and increased appetite (already??). I ate two eggs for breakfast this morning and I normally barely eat breakfast. Then, by 10:30 I was starving.

But in general, I am the happiest I’ve ever been.. not in a giddy sort of way, but in a “I have the best secret in the world” sort of way.

Next steps?

1 )Wait for Beta this afternoon.

2) Pray for Beta to double over the weekend and go back for 2nd Beta Monday.

3) Learn about pregnancy. Seriously, I know about as much as an RE about infertility, but when it comes to actually being pregnant? I’m like a fish out of water.

If anyone has any great books to recommend let me know!