Two Heartbeats..Twins.

March 2nd, 2012 by ariana

I can’t even tell you what is going through my head right now because I can’t get my mind to sit still long enough to figure it out. Shock, elation, excitement, terror. Check!

It was just so surreal, from the moment the ultrasound started I spotted two flickers and knew right away that baby B was alive and well. ( As it turns out both have great heartbeats and B is measuring only a few days behind A. )

I don’t even know if I’m surprised or not, because on the one hand there were the super high hormone levels and I have been at least twice as sick than I was with Jasper. So my gut instinct based on symptoms alone was that there had to be more than one. But all the googling I did between this scan and last did not turn up many instances with a good outcome for a baby 6 weeks and 5 days with no heartbeat so I just didn’t know WHAT to expect.

Now it makes sense: The extreme exhaustion (I fall asleep by 7:30 on the couch most nights) the extreme nausea, the OBSESSION with food. Everything is heightened at least double what I felt when I was pregnant with Jasper! For example, it’s 10:30 right now and even though I had breakfast I could eat my own hand I’m so hungry (apparently twin pregnancies demand 600 extra calories per day and I’m sure I’m at that at least!)

Of course we feel blessed, children are always a blessing, particularly when you’ve wanted them so badly and tried so hard. But I’d be lying if I didn’t also admit I have a LOT of fear and questions about how I can possibly handle two (three with Jasper). Will I EVER leave the house again? Will I ever shower or sleep again? How will I keep my business running? What car can fit three carseats? How will we ever afford to send all three to Waldorf school or college?

And then there are so many decisions to make about the pregnancy and birth, what MFM, what OB at what hospital that has to have a NICU etc and how will my irritable uterus handle TWO (not to mention that I’m 4 years older than I was with Jasper!)

I still can’t believe what a roller-coaster this has been..how did TWO viable pregnancies come out of only 4 mature eggs retrieved? It’s just beyond comprehension.

I KNOW that this is a “good thing” and we are soooo lucky considering the alternative (no babies!) but it’s just more than I bargained for, I never thought I’d ever mother more than 2, if that. That’s the funny thing about infertility though.. you can go from nothing to a full house in a heartbeat. Or two.

Filed under: infertility, IVF, Twins by ariana
63 Comments »

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63 Responses to “Two Heartbeats..Twins.”

Beria Charles, on March 2nd, 2012 at 3:47 pm Said:

God will be with you. He will give you strenght and wisdom. He gave you two heartbeats, three children total because he totally knew you could do it! Lucky kids! :.)
Lindsey, on March 2nd, 2012 at 3:49 pm Said:

Congratulations! Twins are slightly scary but try to look past those first years. It will be so fun to have a house full of kids and hopefully you will get lots of help! Yay for babies (as I sit here at 29 weeks pregnant, still getting sick and sucking down my glucose drink- yuck)!
Miz Booshay, on March 2nd, 2012 at 3:52 pm Said:

TWINS!!!!! Congratulations sweetie!!!
So happy for you.

I understand the terror….and the joy.

get help
no guilt
take care

Twins are amazing.
Tracie, on March 2nd, 2012 at 4:03 pm Said:

Ariana, you can do ANYTHING.
You’re a mom.
(that means you have Superpowers)

-T
Mary, on March 2nd, 2012 at 4:07 pm Said:

You’re amazing Ariana and the boys will help you! You’ve built a very successful business and will find time to balance it out. In the first four months just focus on your family and those babies. Overall, just take one day at a time, and what an amazing journey this will be! Congratulations!
Amy Cyphers, on March 2nd, 2012 at 4:15 pm Said:

WOW!!! You will do great. Twins are so precious, and you will be able to handle it. My best friend just had twins and I am completely amazed at her calmness, and ease as she handles now 4 kids. I think you just do what you have to do… one day at a time.
pam, on March 2nd, 2012 at 4:15 pm Said:

hee hee, awesome! it’ll take a while to sink in, but it really is an amazing experience. lucky jasper, he’s getting not one baby sibling, but TWO! :)
Kristen, on March 2nd, 2012 at 4:28 pm Said:

Wow, wow, wow, Ariana! I can understand how many thoughts are running through your head right now, but all of the kids coming home from college and bringing families home to you and Jeff, oh the joy! And I agree with Mary, you’ve worked SO hard on your business so far, you’re so ahead of the game. It can run itself when you can’t be with it full time and need a break. I am SO excited that you are sharing your journey with us :) Congratulations!!!!!
ariana, on March 2nd, 2012 at 4:32 pm Said:

Thanks everyone!! Your lovely comments are making me tear up… and feel like just maybe I CAN do this!
Chantal, on March 2nd, 2012 at 4:36 pm Said:

Whoo hoo! I can understand how you’d feel overwhelmed and terrifying, but the blessing is that Jasper is old enough to help with the babies. At only 2, Annora was running around getting me diapers and now that Kai is 18 months and she’s 3 1/2, they play together and keep each other entertained. In a way having two is easier than having just one at this point! Huge congratulations Ariana, I am so excited and happy for your and Jeff!
molly, on March 2nd, 2012 at 4:48 pm Said:

I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am for you! I can imagine there must be fears and a feeling of being completely overwhelmed. But there will be so much love and joy. SO MUCH. I know you’ll rock this :)
JoAnne Bacon, on March 2nd, 2012 at 4:50 pm Said:

Ariana, My son was 2 years and 3 days old when my twin girls arrived (5 weeks early but healthy) You just do it, if you need any advice, get in touch, my kids are 12 and 14 now and I’m still here, and sane (I think anyway). You’ll be fine…I really love how my family dynamics turned out :)
JoAnne Bacon, on March 2nd, 2012 at 4:50 pm Said:

Huge congrats too…OH! I gained less weight with my two than my first!!!
Karla Curington, on March 2nd, 2012 at 4:55 pm Said:

Very happy for you that Baby B is showing a heartbeat!! My son had just turned two when my twin girlies were born in 2010. Now they are almost 2 and he is almost 4…I would sooo do it all over again!!! Twins are a huge blessing and a ton of fun!! I have a few “twin talk” articles on my family blog if you are interested! :)
http://timandkarla.blogspot.com/p/twin-talk.html
Laura, on March 2nd, 2012 at 5:02 pm Said:

I have twins that are a year old now. Yes, twin pregnancy is HARD, and newborn babies time 2 are a lot of work BUT it’s also so much fun and just amazing. Mine were kids 3 and 4 and we leave the house often :) so you will get the hang of that and everything else. Congrats!
Nina, on March 2nd, 2012 at 5:03 pm Said:

I very much believe everything happens for a reason. I can understand all the emotions you are going through. You will do just fine with twins! Hopefully your sickness will lighten up soon. Congrats!!! I’m so happy for you guys!! :)
Amanda @ willful/joyful, on March 2nd, 2012 at 5:08 pm Said:

I can only imagine the mix of emotions you’re experiencing right now. The joy, the terror, the excitement, the apprehension. Bringing home baby #2 was so much harder in some ways and so much easier in other ways. Now they are 3 and 11 months, and I can tell you that seeing them love each other warms my heart like nothing else in the world. I’m so excited for you and your family!
Tala Red Cloud, on March 2nd, 2012 at 5:13 pm Said:

I knew it. :) I’m so excited for you!! I know you can do this! You will find your flow, it may be a bit hectic at first but you will get the hang of it quickly. Things will work out for yall too, financially speaking. :) Praying for a safe and healthy pregnancy for you!!
Sara, on March 2nd, 2012 at 5:22 pm Said:

I’ve been reading your Web site for years and had to comment. I have 17-month-old twins and when we found out (we didn’t do any fertility treatment – twins just happened (no family history either)!) it was a total surprise. At first, for me, it was bad news (we just wanted ONE baby!), but here’s a secret every twin mom will tell you – twins are the best! Everything you think you can’t handle you’ll find a way to excel at. And here’s something I found comfort in – at least it’s only two!
Angelina, on March 2nd, 2012 at 5:23 pm Said:

Congratulations!! I am so happy for you!
GayleV, on March 2nd, 2012 at 5:29 pm Said:

That is super exciting, Ariana!! So happy for you. I echo Donna’s advice. ENJOY it!
GiGi, on March 2nd, 2012 at 5:32 pm Said:

CONGRATS ARIANA! You guys will all adjust – I believe that is why pregnancy is meant to last so long! And the blessings of twins will far outweigh any adjustments. Hang in there and know we’ll be thinking of you, cheering for you!
Jaymi, on March 2nd, 2012 at 5:45 pm Said:

omigosh, I am SO excited for you!!! I’m sure twins must be scary but I just know it’ll be the best thing to ever happen to you! can’t wait for more updates!
Chrystal Cienfuegos, on March 2nd, 2012 at 5:46 pm Said:

I just LOVE how you ended this. I’m thrilled for you!! And I am laughing so hard because my only reservation about having a third is Waldorf. :)
Susan, on March 2nd, 2012 at 6:11 pm Said:

What wonderful news! I suppose you’ll need to take some time to embrace your apprehension, and then slowly move forward, day by day, because babies are coming…beautiful, loving babies. You will totally rock being a twin mom and will very quickly adjust to your new norm. Just imagine your lovely new home full of children! Such joy. Blessings to you and your family.
Kimberly, on March 2nd, 2012 at 6:17 pm Said:

Twins!!! Amazing, and understandably a little scary! But what a blessing…. I’m so totally thrilled for you! One of my dear friends is a pro photographer (Johnstone Studios in Reno/Tahoe) and they have a daughter a year older than Jasper & James and twin girls almost the same age as Matthew (18 mos now). I know that first year was pretty crazy for them, between the girls and running their photography business, but they made it through thriving (if a bit sleep-deprived ;-)
You can totally do this.
Much love!!!
Stephanie, on March 2nd, 2012 at 6:43 pm Said:

Wow! Congratulations! Positively wonderful!
Heather, on March 2nd, 2012 at 6:53 pm Said:

Awesome! So so happy for you! You’ll make it work because you’ll be so in love! So crazy, right? It’ll be nuts at first, I’m sure, but when they’re a little older, they’ll have each other, and Jasper to play with, and they’ll all be best friends for life. (I know, I have a twin sister!)
Tiffany, on March 2nd, 2012 at 7:09 pm Said:

Wow wow wow! I’m sure it will be hard, but you will get through it – just like any mother does with even one child. You figure it out because you have to and you LOVE those babies so much. What am amazing blessing this is!
Erika, on March 2nd, 2012 at 7:35 pm Said:

Wow congratulations! (devote blog follower) You are so blessed. Not many get to experience raising twins and you have been chosen. Another believer of fate. Everything will be OK. And now your little guy will have two siblings to grow up with. Enjoy the ride!
pamela frankel, on March 2nd, 2012 at 7:41 pm Said:

so excited for you!!!!!
Courtney C, on March 2nd, 2012 at 8:07 pm Said:

Congrats! I understand how scary it must be for you right now – I’m currently 27 weeks pregnant with my second little boy and also have an almost 4 year old. I had two miscarriages in between and I think everything happens for a reason. I can understand how you feel so blessed but so fearful for how you will be am to handle it. But you will, as the saying goes If God brought you to it, then He will bring you through it!! And I bet Jasper will be a great big brother and helper! My son has told me over and over that he is so excited and can’t wait to help…and then he adds “…but I am not changing any dirty diapers!”!!! I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy!!
jamie, on March 2nd, 2012 at 8:08 pm Said:

So happy for you!!! It will be hard but so worthwhile. Take any help offered, ask for help when you need it, line up playdates for Jasper, and maybe get a housekeeper to come in every once in awhile :) Not speaking from experience, just from watching my sister with her 18 month old twins and 4 year old.
Jane, on March 2nd, 2012 at 8:26 pm Said:

Wow, how exciting. Don’t worry- I am sure you will be able to handle it (it will just take some getting used to!!). My mother had me and my twin sister, and then two years later, twin boys! She was busy, but got through it. Just make sure you have lots of help. Praying for you!
Amy, on March 2nd, 2012 at 8:32 pm Said:

I totally called it :-)

It’ll be a lot if work, but you’ll do great and it’s so worth it!
Suzette, on March 2nd, 2012 at 8:59 pm Said:

Congratulations! I have twins and remember very well the shock of seeing them both on the ultrasound screen. I hope that you have a very safe and easy pregnancy!
Samm, on March 2nd, 2012 at 9:24 pm Said:

Two! Congratulations! It will certainly be tough. But joyful and wonderful and absolutely amazing at the same time.
Tina, on March 2nd, 2012 at 10:34 pm Said:

Congratulations! You are so lucky! Big hug from twin mom in Norway
Gillian, on March 2nd, 2012 at 10:48 pm Said:

Ariana, I am so so happy for you and the family. I have followed you since the bump days and its just so exciting. We have two little ones and when we recently found out baby three was on the way there was certainly a lot of emotions. It is such a rollercoaster….but in the end its amazing too.
here’s to happy families of 5 :) Would love when you get the answers to how to cope with three on shopping trips and carseats I’d love to hear it….these are all things and many others things we were thinking over a lot lately….but one way or another we will all figure it out. Happy and healthy 9 months…and hopefully less morning sickness real soon.
Tamara, on March 2nd, 2012 at 11:38 pm Said:

Welcome to the twin club, Ariana!
(I knew it all along, by the way…)
You will be amazing. If anyone can handle it, you can!! And yes, you will shower again. :)
Twins are the most divine motherhood experience you could imagine (once you survive the first 3 months)… you will LOVE it!
Holly, on March 3rd, 2012 at 12:54 am Said:

You will be fine. Your twins will be fine. All of your children will be fine even if they don’t go to the perfect private school. Once you survived one baby 2 more will be easier in a way since you’ve been through it all. Relax and try to focus on the fact you are getting what you have always wanted, a family!
Mama Smith, on March 3rd, 2012 at 12:55 am Said:

Wow congratulations! It’s so amazing to follow you on this roller coaster. Your’s was the very first “blog” I read and I found it while googling something about worrying my young son was small. I was so stuck by your talent and design sense that I gobbled up post after post and it also opened up the whole world of blogging to me which has been an amazing support. Now seeing your amazing new house and knowing you are expecting twins is really exciting (even though I don’t know you). I’m sure twins are a handfull but a blessing and I’m on the edge of my seat for that nursery. Yay!
Ynghie, on March 3rd, 2012 at 1:50 am Said:

Ariana, you are so blessed, don’t worry too much and enjoy this great miracle of Life to you and your family .
You were my inspiration a couple of years back when I was suffering with my infertility too, thanks to you and other bloggers I felt that should never give up
today my miracle baby is 2 months old and I feel so grateful that you will have this happiness. God bless you and your family
Carlise, on March 3rd, 2012 at 1:52 am Said:

You definitely CAN do this!! Congratulations!! And, though you probably don’t feel like it right now…ENJOY this pregnancy! I wish I had enjoyed mine instead of focusing on the yuck. If I had the second chance I’d enjoy every good, bad and ugly especially ALL those times I felt so beautiful and powerful!! Many blessings being sent to you!!
vikki kourbelis, on March 3rd, 2012 at 2:31 am Said:

Ariana!!! How exciting! I know the fear and trepidation you have as I spent the entire 8 months of my twin pregnancy with my head buried in the sand. I was petrified and had the exact same worries about my eldest son and how I would cope with all three.
Do you know what though?? You just DO! Take a laid back approach and accept that there will be tough days but the good ones will far outweigh them. Twins will change your life forever but they are so rewarding and bring such happiness. Have a look at MBP forum http://www.multiplebirthparents.com/ for tips and help to answer any questions you have regarding twins and the pregnancy. A wealth of information in there.
You are going to be a fantastic twin mummy!
mlwindc, on March 3rd, 2012 at 3:07 am Said:

Congratulations! been following since becoming-home and I am so thrilled to see the home that you and Jeff have created be filled with little people!
Mrs. VJ, on March 3rd, 2012 at 6:15 am Said:

I can’t stop smiling (and I don’t even know you IRL)! Congrats!!! Just know that you not only have your own peeps, but a ton of Internet mommies, bloggers, and more rooting for you and the babies! Cheers!
Sarah @ Cole's First Blog, on March 3rd, 2012 at 7:28 am Said:

Congratulations! I think if I were having twins, I’d have the same mix of excitement & extreme anxiety… I recently had a pretty high risk pregnancy with lots of complications, and I highly, highly recommend Dr. Paul Dicker (ob-gyn) and Dr. Gail Matthews (MFM) – they’re amazing! Feel free to email me for contact info… And if you might be interested in babywearing, I’d LOVE to do a consultation with you!

Feel free to delete this (I’m not trying to spam your comments), but you can find more info about the benefits of babywearing on my website: baby-to-go.com
spark, on March 3rd, 2012 at 2:34 pm Said:

Congratulations Ariana! Everything will be ok, in fact better than ok. xxxox
A, on March 3rd, 2012 at 11:22 pm Said:

Ooooh my gosh! Congratulations!!!!!
Joanna, on March 4th, 2012 at 1:59 am Said:

Congratulations- truly amazing!!! As far as the twins go, I don’t have any experience. I imagine I’d feel the same, elated…scared. Someone told me a while back that going from 1 to 2 was tough, but the third was easy because by then who cares; it’s a madhouse. :) So my thought is for us, going from 1 to 2 was a big adjustment, but you adapt. I was overly confident since this was the second and ended up with some bad habits sleep-wise, etc. I think if we had twins we would have been forced to adapt as well and just streamline everything (self feeeding, etc.) and the babies wouldn’t be as spoiled as my little guy is. So you’ll adapt as well as Jasper. I’m not minimizing but I think you can definitely handle. It will be a challenge but —how cool is it to have twins?!?!?
Anita Kauzlarich, on March 5th, 2012 at 5:06 am Said:

I am overly super excited for you sweet friend!!! YAY!! You are such an amazing person and I have no doubt in my mind that being mom of three is going to be easy for you! You shine and are such an inspiration to so many and surely you will be to two more :) I can not wait to come see you and your beautiful family in October!!
kate, on March 5th, 2012 at 5:44 am Said:

Congrats, Ariana! I think back on your “becoming alone” blog entry and things could not be more different now. So happy for you and especially for Jasper.
I am no stranger to the fertility drug scene and now that we are probably going to be doing the same for baby #2, I realise the old VW Jetta may not cut it anymore.
I still cannot come to terms with the possibility of a minivan, mainly because I promised myself I would never turn into one of “those” moms (I am totally going to turn into a minivan mom). However, the Ford Explorer LTD with the second row bucket seat option is a good (pricy) alternative for 2 babies and an older child because there is a third row seat. Other than that, the Honda Odyssey minivan is a practical (and hideous) possibility.
Fiona, on March 5th, 2012 at 11:26 am Said:

Wow! You are so lucky……and I can imagine the terror you talk of too. I always think twins are a blessing, but after having my first child, a singleton, I do wonder how people cope…..but they’re still a blessing.

You’re sickness will calm down, you can get ahead of yourself on the business front, then take lots of time to spend with your new babies.

Someone suggested ‘get help’. I agree….if you can afford it and want to do a bit of work – do it!

As for the school thing…..it will work itself out. Concentrate on the task at hand…..looking after yourself.

Enjoy the ride. You’re one of very few to have such an experience. Can’t wait to hear of your pregnancy progress.

If anyone can do this – you can!

Fiona x
marybeth @ www.babygoodbuys.com, on March 5th, 2012 at 4:15 pm Said:

Congrats!! I actually haven’t even read your entire post yet–I just had to comment and say I am SO thrilled for you!

I can imagine the fear of being pregnant with twins. I don’t want to compare, but I think I went through similar feelings at the end of my pregnancy with baby #2, who was due exactly 12 months after baby #1. Really, the thoughts of, “can I handle this?” were overwhelming…in the end, it turned out far easier than I had ever dreamed it would be. I’m sure it will be the same for you :)
marybeth @ www.babygoodbuys.com, on March 5th, 2012 at 4:21 pm Said:

Oh, as far as keeping your business alive…I have a few thoughts on that:

…can you hire an assistant or salesperson to take over most of the work for your wall display guides while you’re on maternity leave? You may have to miss some of the demonstrations you’ve been doing and personal connections you’ve been making, but a trustworthy individual to fill the orders and field questions would go a long way towards keeping the business afloat while you get your personal life in order. Even if you do little more than break even during the time where you’re paying someone to help you, at least you’ll keep your foothold in the industry and not backslide while you’re away.

Just an idea! I hope I’m not stepping on your toes :)
jbhat, on March 6th, 2012 at 12:38 am Said:

You can do it! You have to do it! And you will be GOOD at it. Think of it this way. More love, more to be thankful for, more fun, more family and well, just MORE. More people for me to eventually meet in person!

A Honda Pilot will do the trick, car-wise. :)

Congratulations to ALL of you!!! And in the meantime, cherish your last days as a family of 3.

xo
jbhat
Stephanie, on March 6th, 2012 at 2:42 am Said:

You’ve managed so much already that I know you can handle this. It will take some adjusting, but you guys have enough love to give that everything will work out. Congratulations on the twins! Savor the moment and don’t let your fears get the better of you.
Jamie, on March 8th, 2012 at 2:39 pm Said:

Awesome! I thought it would be more than one! Congrats,enjoy every step. It will be something you look back on for the rest of your life.
Sarah, on March 9th, 2012 at 3:48 am Said:

Wow! Congratulations! I still remember my sister’s face when her first ultrasound revealed that she was carrying twins: she was in complete shock and disbelief. It wasn’t even a possibility she had considered. Today her girls are almost 2, and it is SUCH a joy to watch the two of them play together. They share something so special with one another. You have so much to look forward to!
Jill, on March 14th, 2012 at 6:41 pm Said:

Hi Ariana! I just had to comment because I’ve “known” you since you were on The Nest way back when we were pregnant together with our first babies (our sons have the exact same birthday!) and have been reading your website and checking in every so often. I’ve been reading your struggles with infertility and just wanted to congratulate you on such an amazing blessing! You will do just fine even though now it seems so daunting. You will be amazed at how much Jasper will want to “help” and protect his siblings; my little boy loves his little sister and I can always count on him to get me a diaper or hold her bottle for her. Good luck and congrats once again, take time to relax while you can and rest rest rest!
Teresa, on March 19th, 2012 at 4:18 pm Said:

Congratulations!.
from a fellow twin mom, you will survive!…I’m not going to sugar coat it, it is one TOUGH job but somehow we get it done. My boy/girl twins are now 9 months old and seeing them play with each other and having their own little playmate available 24/7 is the most amazing thing ever!
I recommend you buy the book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins” and read it BEFORE the twins arrive. I made the mistake and bought it too late in the game :-/
Miss B., on April 12th, 2012 at 11:51 pm Said:

I haven’t been by in a while but TWINS! Congrats, I followed you all through before you were a mommy and now you are going to have twins! Congrats!