Two Heartbeats..Twins.

I can’t even tell you what is going through my head right now because I can’t get my mind to sit still long enough to figure it out. Shock, elation, excitement, terror. Check!

It was just so surreal, from the moment the ultrasound started I spotted two flickers and knew right away that baby B was alive and well. ( As it turns out both have great heartbeats and B is measuring only a few days behind A. )

I don’t even know if I’m surprised or not, because on the one hand there were the super high hormone levels and I have been at least twice as sick than I was with Jasper.  So my gut instinct based on symptoms alone was that there had to be more than one. But all the googling I did between this scan and last did not turn up many instances with a good outcome for a baby 6 weeks and 5 days with no heartbeat  so I just didn’t know WHAT to expect.

Now it makes sense: The extreme exhaustion (I fall asleep by 7:30 on the couch most nights) the extreme nausea, the OBSESSION with food.  Everything is heightened at least double what I felt when I was pregnant with Jasper! For example, it’s 10:30 right now and even though I had breakfast I could eat my own hand I’m so hungry (apparently twin pregnancies demand 600 extra calories per day and I’m sure I’m at that at least!)

Of course we feel blessed, children are always a blessing, particularly when you’ve wanted them so badly and tried so hard. But I’d be lying if I didn’t also admit I have a LOT of fear and questions about how I can possibly handle two (three with Jasper). Will I EVER leave the house again?  Will I ever shower or sleep again? How will I keep my business running? What car can fit three carseats?  How will we ever afford to send all three to Waldorf school or college?

And then there are so many decisions to make about the pregnancy and birth, what MFM, what OB at what hospital that has to have a NICU etc and how will my irritable uterus handle TWO (not to mention that I’m 4 years older than I was with Jasper!)

I still can’t believe what a roller-coaster this has been..how did TWO viable pregnancies come out of only 4 mature eggs retrieved? It’s just beyond comprehension.

I KNOW that this is a “good thing” and we are soooo lucky considering the alternative (no babies!) but it’s just more than I bargained for, I never thought I’d ever mother more than 2, if that.  That’s the funny thing about infertility though.. you can go from nothing to a full house in a heartbeat. Or two.

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Miss B. says:

I haven’t been by in a while but TWINS! Congrats, I followed you all through before you were a mommy and now you are going to have twins! Congrats!

Teresa says:

Congratulations!.
from a fellow twin mom, you will survive!…I’m not going to sugar coat it, it is one TOUGH job but somehow we get it done. My boy/girl twins are now 9 months old and seeing them play with each other and having their own little playmate available 24/7 is the most amazing thing ever!
I recommend you buy the book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins” and read it BEFORE the twins arrive. I made the mistake and bought it too late in the game :-/

Jill says:

Hi Ariana! I just had to comment because I’ve “known” you since you were on The Nest way back when we were pregnant together with our first babies (our sons have the exact same birthday!) and have been reading your website and checking in every so often. I’ve been reading your struggles with infertility and just wanted to congratulate you on such an amazing blessing! You will do just fine even though now it seems so daunting. You will be amazed at how much Jasper will want to “help” and protect his siblings; my little boy loves his little sister and I can always count on him to get me a diaper or hold her bottle for her. Good luck and congrats once again, take time to relax while you can and rest rest rest!

Sarah says:

Wow! Congratulations! I still remember my sister’s face when her first ultrasound revealed that she was carrying twins: she was in complete shock and disbelief. It wasn’t even a possibility she had considered. Today her girls are almost 2, and it is SUCH a joy to watch the two of them play together. They share something so special with one another. You have so much to look forward to!

Jamie says:

Awesome! I thought it would be more than one! Congrats,enjoy every step. It will be something you look back on for the rest of your life.

Stephanie says:

You’ve managed so much already that I know you can handle this. It will take some adjusting, but you guys have enough love to give that everything will work out. Congratulations on the twins! Savor the moment and don’t let your fears get the better of you.

jbhat says:

You can do it! You have to do it! And you will be GOOD at it. Think of it this way. More love, more to be thankful for, more fun, more family and well, just MORE. More people for me to eventually meet in person!

A Honda Pilot will do the trick, car-wise. :)

Congratulations to ALL of you!!! And in the meantime, cherish your last days as a family of 3.

xo
jbhat

Oh, as far as keeping your business alive…I have a few thoughts on that:

…can you hire an assistant or salesperson to take over most of the work for your wall display guides while you’re on maternity leave? You may have to miss some of the demonstrations you’ve been doing and personal connections you’ve been making, but a trustworthy individual to fill the orders and field questions would go a long way towards keeping the business afloat while you get your personal life in order. Even if you do little more than break even during the time where you’re paying someone to help you, at least you’ll keep your foothold in the industry and not backslide while you’re away.

Just an idea! I hope I’m not stepping on your toes :)

Congrats!! I actually haven’t even read your entire post yet–I just had to comment and say I am SO thrilled for you!

I can imagine the fear of being pregnant with twins. I don’t want to compare, but I think I went through similar feelings at the end of my pregnancy with baby #2, who was due exactly 12 months after baby #1. Really, the thoughts of, “can I handle this?” were overwhelming…in the end, it turned out far easier than I had ever dreamed it would be. I’m sure it will be the same for you :)

Fiona says:

Wow! You are so lucky……and I can imagine the terror you talk of too. I always think twins are a blessing, but after having my first child, a singleton, I do wonder how people cope…..but they’re still a blessing.

You’re sickness will calm down, you can get ahead of yourself on the business front, then take lots of time to spend with your new babies.

Someone suggested ‘get help’. I agree….if you can afford it and want to do a bit of work – do it!

As for the school thing…..it will work itself out. Concentrate on the task at hand…..looking after yourself.

Enjoy the ride. You’re one of very few to have such an experience. Can’t wait to hear of your pregnancy progress.

If anyone can do this – you can!

Fiona x

kate says:

Congrats, Ariana! I think back on your “becoming alone” blog entry and things could not be more different now. So happy for you and especially for Jasper.
I am no stranger to the fertility drug scene and now that we are probably going to be doing the same for baby #2, I realise the old VW Jetta may not cut it anymore.
I still cannot come to terms with the possibility of a minivan, mainly because I promised myself I would never turn into one of “those” moms (I am totally going to turn into a minivan mom). However, the Ford Explorer LTD with the second row bucket seat option is a good (pricy) alternative for 2 babies and an older child because there is a third row seat. Other than that, the Honda Odyssey minivan is a practical (and hideous) possibility.

I am overly super excited for you sweet friend!!! YAY!! You are such an amazing person and I have no doubt in my mind that being mom of three is going to be easy for you! You shine and are such an inspiration to so many and surely you will be to two more :) I can not wait to come see you and your beautiful family in October!!

Joanna says:

Congratulations- truly amazing!!! As far as the twins go, I don’t have any experience. I imagine I’d feel the same, elated…scared. Someone told me a while back that going from 1 to 2 was tough, but the third was easy because by then who cares; it’s a madhouse. :) So my thought is for us, going from 1 to 2 was a big adjustment, but you adapt. I was overly confident since this was the second and ended up with some bad habits sleep-wise, etc. I think if we had twins we would have been forced to adapt as well and just streamline everything (self feeeding, etc.) and the babies wouldn’t be as spoiled as my little guy is. So you’ll adapt as well as Jasper. I’m not minimizing but I think you can definitely handle. It will be a challenge but —how cool is it to have twins?!?!?

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