Comments on: Mommy SOS : Hitting

By: Nicole

Nicole — Fri, 21 May 2010 19:48:35 +0000

I just checked this book out at the library! Great read about toddlers and understanding them!

http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Toddler-Block-Well-Behaved-Four-Year-Old/dp/0553381431

By: Alison

Alison — Thu, 20 May 2010 19:20:02 +0000

Licia – thank you so much for the “over-praise the good” suggestion! I will definitely give that a try and see if I can ignore the unwanted behavior while encouraging the good stuff.

By: michelle

michelle — Tue, 18 May 2010 16:21:06 +0000

Jack has been hitting alot lately too… when we were at church on Sunday, he just wouldn’t stop. But, this hitting is not out of anger, he thinks it is funny… he slaps me in the face and laughs (sounds a little evil, huh?) and I find that it is with me. By no means am I a pushover mom, but I am wondering if he thinks so since he doesn’t do it to my husband. I don’t put up with it, at home, I put him in time out. But at church there wasn’t a great place to do this. So I just took him outside, gave him a talking to and tried to redirect, still slapping. I have noticed he does it alot more when he is ready for a nap or night night. Any advice would be appreciated… the time outs aren’t really effective yet, but I am hoping he will realize soon enough that it is wrong.

By: Sara B.

Sara B. — Tue, 18 May 2010 14:24:33 +0000

We have this problem, too. I generally do a timeout and remove myself from the situation (leave the room). Marino generally hits when he is frustrated about something, but he needs to learn he can’t abuse anyone (including Mommy) just b/c he is upset. As the mama, we usually get the brunt of the frustration, but even if they aren’t hurting us, we can’t let them do it.

Anyway, I’ve told him about 876 times now he can’t hit or kick things b/c he’s mad and he now sometimes kicks the air when he’s frustrated, and he’ll tell me he’s mad and wants to kick (whatever he is mad at). It seems as though he is at least thinking about it before he does it more and more.

By: ariana

ariana — Tue, 18 May 2010 13:44:47 +0000

Very interesting about looking for something stressful in the baby’s life.. it could be true in our case as well.

But, I think the problem is that he thinks that gentle touch is a game – he KNOWS how to use “nice hands” and the difference between that and hit.. which is why he’ll immediately run to hug me or “pet” me on the head right after hitting me.

I just got great news that the bully is leaving daycare!

By: April

April — Tue, 18 May 2010 04:10:25 +0000

I second Ava’s “Gentle Touch” approach and I can relate to Licia’s post. I’m a SAHM to a 16 mo girl and once a week we attend Little Gym. Last month she started pinching, pulling, hitting and kicking every tot that crossed her path. I was so embarassed and frustrated bc I spent the entire 45min class apologizing for her. Another mom brought it to my attn that I was constantly saying, “No Harper. No! No!” and suggested to try saying “Gentle touch” while showing her a soft touch. It worked! I also realized, as hindsight is 20/20, that this behavior occured while I was transitioning her from Mama’s Bed to Harper’s Crib…we no longer co-sleep. I didn’t realize how stressful it was on her. Now that she has made the transition, her aggressive behavior has disappeared.

By: ariana

ariana — Tue, 18 May 2010 02:49:43 +0000

Great advice everyone (as usual!) I’m going to reply to each in a moment, just wanted to pop in and say I’m listening and THANK you for taking the time to share your experiences!

By: Yvonne

Yvonne — Tue, 18 May 2010 02:40:45 +0000

Hi Ariana:
Zacky gets a time out (sitting on the bottom step of our staircase) immediately when he hits. After a minute or 2 he says, “I’m ready to listen!!!” and I let him leave the stairs. I have him look me in the eyes and I ask him why he was sitting on the step. I wait for him to tell me that it was becasue he was hitting. I ask him to apologize and ask the person if they are ok (usually Serena!) Now, he is three. When he was two, I would just have him sit on the step and I would tell him that hitting hurts people. But what made the difference for us was that I was extremely consistent–every time he hit, he was on that step faster than his head could spin. I think eventually he realized that IF he hit, he could count on being put on the step. It worked proactively too: if I saw him raise his hand, I would say, “Do you want to sit on the step?” and he would think about it, and usually stop.

By: Heather

Heather — Tue, 18 May 2010 01:27:14 +0000

My son who is 2 and 2 mo. went through this same stage. What I realize now is that it happened for just a few months before he really started talking. We did put him in his crib for about 2 mins. when it happened. BUT, now that he does talk more, when he does something a little naughty, he says, “my go crib”…and he wants to! So, that plan has back fired a little!

In short, I think it’s just a stage, he’s not a bully, and it will be replaced by some really cute chats in a couple months! Stay tuned!

By: Licia

Licia — Mon, 17 May 2010 23:24:42 +0000

We had the same issue with our son this year and all the time outs, scoldings, long-winded explanations and short remarks had no significant effect on him. We met with the school psychologist and she offered some sound advice: try to figure out if there is anything going on that might be upsetting him. Nothing big, it can be a small change in schedule, daycare, etc. Something that is making him feel out of control and he’s just taking it out by hitting. In our case, we couldn’t really pin point anything but it’s worth a try.
Now, about the behavioral changes that did work for us. We realized that every time he hit he got attention. Negative attention, but attention afterall. We started to give him more attention (is that even possible? LOL) and to “catch” him doing things right. “Wow, you are being such a good boy sitting and eating your cereal.” “What a great job you are doing right now reading quietly”… Granted, catchin a toddler doing something good is hard but within three weeks the issue was nixed. Now, he only pushes every once in a while, especially when he’s around his cousins who are of the same age, but he has stopped doing so at school and with other children in general. A big improvement! I hope this helps.