Thoughts on Weaning and Extended Breastfeeding
November 3rd, 2009 by ariana
Ever since Jasper’s first birthday people keep asking me how long I plan on continuing to breastfeed. There is a little bit of an accusation in their tone, like what they really mean is “it’s getting weird that you are still nursing that baby!”
I have to admit that I have in the past given women nursing “older” babies the side eye (though by older I mean 2-3 years) before having Jasper so I understand the cultural bias, but it irks me still the same.
People very close to me including people who have Jasper’s best interests at heart, educated well meaning people that SHOULD know better have confessed to thinking it’s “creepy” that he now asks for it (in his own way which is by pulling down my shirt and saying “Nuh Nuh Nuh,” his word for milk for some reason.)
I wasn’t prepared for the defensiveness and well, defiance that I would have to this judgemental crap. I mean I GET it, but the logical part of my brain won’t let me give in as long as I and my body still have some fight left in us – which may not be much longer.
I just don’t understand why I should feed my baby cow’s milk when a) he doesn’t like it b) I can still provide him with all of the nutritional and immunological benefits of breast milk c) Jasper doesn’t want to stop nursing yet
This has all been on my mind a lot lately because since Friday night my boobs have been on a mini strike. I was unable to let down even WITH the oxytocin spray and continued to have issues throughout the weekend with let down not occurring.
I finally decided to cut out the afternoon session figuring it would ramp up my supply and ability to nurse Jasper before bed - so that would mean nursing him at waking up, at lunch and before bed (and still once at 5am – yeah, I know). But yesterday when I got to daycare to nurse him at lunch I had nothing. And he wanted it so badly it broke my heart. Then at bedtime it took almost 20 minutes to finally achieve a let down – even after going a whole day without expressing any milk I still barely could produce.
I have no idea what is causing this sudden cessation of milk supply and I’m not inclined to fight it too much because maybe it’s just my body’s way of saying “it’s time.”
But I’ll be damned if anyone else is going to dictate to me when that time is.
You can all go examine what exactly it is about providing RECOMMENDED and optimal nutrition for my baby that bothers you and go to hell. Yeah, that’s right, I said it… my boobs, my body, my baby.
Who knew I’d become such a lactavist?
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I’m with you, there was a time in my life when I looked sideways at nursing a child over a certain age, but the more experience I’ve had with children and nursing moms [I've not been blessed with my own yet but my work is with children and families] the less I think it is an issue. Your milk is perfect for your child, cow’s milk is perfect for, well, it makes sense doesn’t it?
With my current mom I’ve heard her complain that if she misses one nursing or pumping session her body reduces it’s output. As if it’s telling her, “So you didn’t need that? I’ll adjust.” Maybe nursing or pumping more often would help supply and let-down. It is a transitional time, whether you are changing ideas you’ve always held or going against your initial gut reaction it’s something that is causing psychological stress and that tends to come out physically.
Good luck, it’s a tough time and I’m virtually supporting you. [btw I started reading b/c your beautiful photography, I generally pop in just for the pictures - J has the most beautiful eyes! I couldn't imagine giving up that one on one time with those peepers! Besides kids ask for bottles and binkies, why shouldn't they ask for breastmilk?]
I could have written the beginning of this post!!! My dad just asked me the other day, “how long are you gonna breastfeed that kid???” My reply: “oh, probably until he’s 3!” Which is totally in jest since I probably will nurse for a few more months or until James and I are both ready… but people TOTALLY get judgmental about it! My flip retort is generally to be sarcastic about it and that gets people to back off usually… hey, he isn’t even walking yet! But James also calls it “nuh nuh nuh…” funny! You can remind people that the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for two years. I hope things get better for you so you can continue on… I can’t believe how difficult it’s been for you and HOW determined you’ve been! You are awesome. :)
i’m just gonna repeat what you said… because sometimes when someone else repeats it – it helps…
your boobs
your body
your baby
and i will follow it up with a very loud “AMEN SISTER”
xo
You know, I could always over hear my husband answering his mother’s questions about me breastfeeding. Including, “She knows that she only HAS to do it for 6 weeks.” It would always make me upset. I am still upset that we stopped at 10 and 1/2 months. My body just really slowed down. I had originally planned to go to 12 months full time and gradually wean him by 18 months. And, you know what Jack got for his 1st birthday? An ear infection!! And, in the back of my mind I am telling myself that it is because we stopped too early. There is a girl at work that both of her kids have multiple ear infections and are constantly sick. And, she would question all the time how much longer I was going to breastfeed. She couldn’t believe that I was giving up so much to do this for my baby. (backstory: Jack had a milk intolerance and I was on the total elimination diet for awhile) And, I say why wouldn’t you? There is so much sickness and illness all the time… why not give them the best defense possible? I think it is great that you are still nursing… I wish I would’ve fought a little harder to keep it up.
Michelle
I don’t understand why anyone would not want to give their child the best nutrition possible or judge someone else for doing that? 2 years is recommended! In other countries kids are breastfed for years. Do you know for a fact that you aren’t pregnant? That could explain the supply decrease.
Isn’t it amazing that at that 1 year mark you are expected to have a totally different child who no longer needs or wants to breastfeed–like there is some physiological change that happens overnight–and especially when it comes to breastfeeding. I’ve generally tried to live by the “don’t offer, don’t refuse” adage after my son was about 13 months. It worked like a charm in terms of us getting into a good routine and both of us having our needs me (him–comfort, me, not needing to pump or feel obligated to feed him on a schedule to ensure nutrition). My supply plummeted after about 11 months, so from that point on, nursing has truly become a comfort event–especially as I am working full time and it gives us the opportunity for “mommy and me time”. I, too, have a child who still pulls down on my shirt (at almost 18 months), and it is just not in my power to say “no.” And my gut tells me that I shouldn’t. Sometimes I try distracting if I am not in a position to nurse, but most of the time, we just spend a few minutes reconnecting, and then he is off.
I try to understand from where peoples’ disapproval originates (it certainly isn’t lack of education)–and I just think it is so culturally embedded that sometimes people just turn their nose at something unfamiliar and not really visible in our culture (at least mainstream). Is extended breastfeeding for everyone? Of course not…but it amazes me when people judge you on a relationship for which there is no empirical evidence that it causes harm or sets your child up for a life of ultra dependence–needing to be breastfed to be pacified when he gets his first bad grade, or his first girlfriend dumps him. You know? The response is always, “it’s weird, it’s gross…” (I can think of a LOT more disgusting things related to babies and toddlers–and to me, over time, you become so adept at breastfeeding, it is like this great, organized event where at the same time you can type a letter to your boss, fold laundry, nurse your toddler…and all without showing a nipple.) I do try to listen to other people’s reactions and honestly respect other’s individual breastfeeding choices. But I also readily acknowledge that I don’t volunteer information regarding my continued nursing (except on my blog–the safe haven of all mommy admissions) in an attempt to avoid the conversation. I don’t love that I have to do that, but sometimes I just don’t feel like engaging…
What I struggle with now is that I am currently pregnant and at 27 weeks, am already on bedrest with preterm contractions. The second that my son starts nursing, my uterus gets rock hard. I struggle with wanting to nurse (and given that it is the only sure-fire way to get my son to relax from 4am-6am–don’t get me started on sleep in our house) and feeling like I could be doing harm in my pregnancy. What complicates matters more is that there aren’t a bevy of individuals around me who are really supportive of my BFing my son at this age, anyway…so throw this wrench into the mix, and I am just a downright dangerous mother. :)
Good luck Ariana. It sounds like you are doing what is right for your body, your boobies and your baby.
(also, if you don’t subscribe to it, perhaps check out Mothering magazine–I find it to be really empowering.)
There’s a great quote I heard that I decided to adopt when being asked the “how long” question:
“What part of ME continuing to nurse, is interfering with YOUR life?”
Somehow, that’s actually managed to shut people up. Once they stop to think about it, they don’t have a good response. I’ve had to pull it on my mom (more than once shockingly)
Feel free to steal it for yourself too :)
I think that this is your business and yours only…Well, yours and your cute little son’s business. You do what feels right and natural for you. Period!
My Mom used to work for WHO as an epidemiologist and she once told me that one of the reasons why WHO supports the idea of extended breastfeeding is because they want to make sure that women in the less-developed countries understand that their breastmilk, even if they have just a little bit, is by far better than giving them water or nothing in certain very poor situations. But having said that, it’s your body and you seem to be taking care of your son perfectly great so you do it, girl! He looks very healthy to me! And you will know when it’s time..whenever that is…
i get asked this question a lot and i tell them.. well “APP recommends two years”. it’s what i’m shooting for. if he plans on weaning sooner that’s fine.. i might try weaning him if he goes past three years though.
I completely agree with you! Why do people think that giving your child breast milk is so gross and that it isn’t gross to give your child a cow’s breast milk?! It all comes down to what people are used to and a little bit of ignorance is bliss. If they thought about it, they’d get it! I’m vegan so I could rant on about this, but I won’t. :) Good for you for being strong and not letting other people decide what is right for you or your child. It’ll take more people like you to change the way society thinks, but we can do it!
Also, I’ve noticed that if I skip a feeding, my supply decreases. Like it’s saying “oh, you don’t need me to make that milk anymore?” And if I add a feeding or pump more, my body will adjust to that as well. It may be that it’s your time to ween or maybe you could try increasing your feedings/pumping to keep your supply up?
Good luck!
You go girl! I still think breastmilk is best, who cares what others think? Its your baby, and mummies should know best! People keep telling me its only the first 6 months that matter, but hey, what I’ve read seems to say its good to keep at it til 2 years if baby wants to! Hang in there! :)
Hang in there girl. Go as long as you feel comfortable. I have felt that with so many aspects of parenting (especially now that you have a toddler on your hands), Jasper will let you know. Went 15 months with Danny. Hope to go that long with Molly. I will say I found that in the long run cut out the routine dependent type feedings (like before naps + bedtime). The last one I cut out was upon waking. Those first couple weeks schlepping to go make a bottle while groggy (+ early) kinda make you want to go back to nursing. He is a doll. You are so great to document so much. It will mean so much later on. Let us know if you are ever coming down this way to visit (though with Alexis in NY that makes little sense), but if so, we should catch up for a playdate.
I don’t get why people think what you do with your child is any of their business. I agree with the previous commenter who said to ask how it is interfering with their life in any way. People! Honestly. :)
When I think of my SIL bf-ing her 16 month old, I REALLY need to keep this in the front of my mind:
“What part of ME continuing to nurse, is interfering with YOUR life?”
He asks for it by rubbing his face in her chest and saying “Boo! Boo! Booooo!” – it’s pretty cute…but also kinda creepy if I am 100% honest.
I plan on bf my little one when she arrives in February. For how long? I have no idea. I’m really leaving it open. I’m going to give it my best shot to get it going and see how long it lasts. At this point though, I’m not sure that I’m willing to take all sorts of supplements etc to increase supply. My plan is to have an excellent pump handy, have a lactation consultant on call and attend some meetings before our little one arrives.
I’m totally the person who is slightly creeped out by toddlers “asking for it” – but I wonder how this will change when I’m a mother myself????
Ariana,
You are doing the right thing by listening to yourself and not to the nonsense people keep spewing :) I come from India where mothers breastfeed 3yrs or longer but that used to be the case with my mom’s generation. Right now with so much acceptance of western philosphy, people there now believe that formula is really the best thing to give an infant compared to mothers milk! They are sold on all the ads that say that formula has so many vitamins, blah, blah blah that people dont stop to think is this actually needed or doesnt breastmilk have the required stuff?
I had no idea about formula or bfing when my daughter was born. But since the hospital that I delivered DD offered a free lactation consultation, I finally figured that bfing was the way to go. And that was just the beginning of power struggle with my family regarding this issue. My MIL who is an educated lady wanted me to start my DD on formula after 3 months and that was bcoz her daughter followed that path. And her daughter convinced her that Formula was much better than breastmilk!!!
So DH and I did our research, spoke to other bfing mothers and found out that there are more benefits to bfing than its advertised. So, we told our family that we intend to bfeed the baby as long as I can and thats that! We encountered a lot of anger and accusations that we didnt know what we were doing and that child’s physiology needs formula. You can only imagine my rage at all this but I stood my ground and now they dont question my decision anymore. DD is healthy, no ear infections and now 9 months old. I am sure this topic will come up once again when she’s a year old :((
On a positive note, wanted to share how bfing helped my DD when she was 2 months old. One of her cousins(3 yr old) who came to visit us was just recovering from a flu (dont ask me why the mom brought the kid who wasnt all that well) and this kid was constantly coughing over my lil one. We had to really fight with the parents to have the kid stay away from my DD. But the blessing was that I ended up catching the viral infection and so was able to produce the antibodies which in turn protected my DD. Just imagine if she was on formula, she would have surely caught the infection and I would have had hell!
So, my thing is keep doing what you are doing and turn deaf to naysayers :)
Good luck and keep updating us about Jasper.
I thought I was the only one going thru this…
I’m so with you on this… MY BOOBS, MY BODY, MY BABY… people ask me all time….
Our bodies are not ready to stop neither are our babies :O) end of story!
Good for you! I have to admit that I’m just jealous that you’ve been able to do it for this long. I wanted so badly to nurse until Ava was at least 6 months old. Unfortunately she never latched properly and despite great effort, my very limited supply tanked at about 4 weeks. I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to BF with the new little ones on their way!
i agree with you whole heartedly…people are stupid, if they want to give thier babies cow hormones, let them. obviously they are uneducated…like most of our society.
♥ ac
Ariana –
I can completely empathize. Since Finn turned 1 year old last month, everyone assumes that I’m going to wean him any minute, and although nobody has yet acted as if it’s weird that I still do, they act as if I’m doing it because I somehow “can’t let go” — rather than the real reason: that it’s what’s best for my child. It defies LOGIC to say that drinking from a COW udder is better than drinking from a human being designed to provide milk to her baby. The cow milk is a substitute, of course! (Finn doesn’t really like it much, either, by the way; I may have to incorporate soy as that substitute…). I’m not sure how much longer I’ll BF, but when I stop, it will be because I’m a working mother and it’s a challenge to keep it up (as much as I love providing for him); it WON’T be because other people who don’t know what they’re talking about tell me I “should.”
Thank you, Ariana, for coming out and saying what SHOULD be said.
You go, girl! And also, you go, girls (your breasts, that is)!
People can eff off. There, I said it. Breastfeeding is what is best for babies and toddlers, if the mommy chooses to do it. (I would say the same sentiment about what part of nourishing one’s child with formula interferes with anyone else’s life, too, for the mommies who go that route. The judginess goes both ways, I think, unfortunately. Breastfeeders tend to be a little smug.)
I gave my kiddo boob juice direct from the source until he was 22 months old, which by that ripe old age had gradually narrowed down to one morning feeding. It’s what works for us. You will have to do what works for you, regardless of what others say or imply.
jbhat
Ariana, this made me laugh because I thought of this sketch from Little Britain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8orUaCJ0GY
As a mom who desperately wanted to give her son breastmilk but was unable to I just want to say . . . you go girl! I’m jealous. I’m wishing and hoping with all my heart that I get a second chance at BF with this second baby!
I love this post and I agree with all the other comments–Breastfeeding is a GOOD thing, regardless of what others think/say, so do it for as long as you can, or for whatever amount of time works for you and your son. I already get the accusational “How long are you going to keep breastfeeding??” with my 7 month old! So I’m trying to prepare myself (and everyone who feels the need to inquire) for the long road ahead by saying “well, I’m not sure, I guess it depends on my body and Leaf’s interest, but 2 years is the recommendation these days.” Good luck and ignore the annoying comments!!
Isn’t that so annoying? Why does anyone care how long you breastfeed? My son is almost 11 months and I’m preparing to see some funny looks coming from my MIL once he turns one and is still nursing. She’s suuuuuper old school and gets all uncomfortable with breastfeeding. Pretty funny to watch her squirm though. When he was 6 weeks old she kept trying to tell me to give him rice cereal otherwise “he won’t sleep through the night until you give him real food.” Haha! Ummmm no.
Nice to know how common this is. I’ve been getting it since my daughter turned 1 as well. She’s 15-months now and people act like I am crippling her or sexually deviant for nursing my kid. It’s disheartening to say the least.
Even though I also plan on breastfeeding my baby when he/ she arrives in 3 months, I have to admit to secretly cringing when I see toddlers being breastfed, especially in public. I will do everything humanly possible to breastfeed my baby until 6 months of age but, after that, bottled breastmilk will do.
Social and sexual norms have changed since the times mother’s only option for feeding her child was with the breast. I sometimes feel as though some breastfeeding moms continue to put their older toddler to the breast as a means of defiance, as if to say “I dare you to have a problem with this!”
I don’t know how I will feel about the issue once I have a baby too. I do know that I have strong memories of being 18 months old and would cringe if I remembered suckling my mother’s breasts. I personally feel that 2 years old is far too old for a child to expect to be breastfed. Just because it is recommended that children receive breastmilk until the age of 2, doesn’t mean it has to come directly from the source.
I’m all for women’s lib and living life as naturally as possible but I also think that there should be boundaries. I believe the reason so many use 1 year as a cutoff is because that is around the time children develop language and increased cognitive development skills. They’re not “babies” anymore.
I think perhaps (and this is TOTAL speculation on my part from reading your blog) the reason you may be getting so many comments from people who care is that you appear to be martyring yourself for your child, when you don’t really need to. Those breasts have been sucked to oblivion- between the mastitis, running out of milk and having to take medications, to altering your diet, to dedicating a huge part of your life to blooging about your baby… where does that leave time for YOU?
hehe, that was supposd to say “blogging.” KNEW I shoud have proof read.
So…I was EXACTLy the same as you. Before my DS, I was sure that I would breastfeed until about 6 months and then I’d give pumped milk. Here we are…at 12.5 months, still breastfeeding. Honestly, I felt like there was a LOT more bonding with the breastfeeding after he turned like 8 months…it was around then that his facial expressions would just look so grateful and he seemed to ENJOY snuggling with his mommy…it was just so sweet! BUT, I think it’s easy for my to nurse still because he doesn’t ask for it when he hurts himself or if he’s just feeling cranky…he’s usually pretty scheduled…he nurses once first thing in the morning, once before his afternoon nap, and before bed at night. And I do realize that at 12 months…he is still a “baby” of sorts. I don’t know how I would feel if he were grabbing at my boobs or seomthing while we were public because he was feeling cranky or out of sorts….
The WHO recommendation for the 2 years breastfeeding, has to be taken with a grain of salt…it’s the WORLD health organization. Most of the world is still thrid world or developing…meaning, they don’t have access to good food OR water…so breastfeeding by far is the BEST choice. It’s just like if you had AIDS…in the U.S., mothers with AIDS are told NOT to breastfeed because there is a miniscule chance of giving it to your baby. In Africa, mothers with AIDS are told TO breastfeed…because the chance of their baby dying from bad water mixed with formula powder or from malnutrition from whatever food is MUCH higher than the risk of catching AIDS. So…yea, the WHO says to breastfeed for 2 years, but…you know…really past about a year, the breastmilk isn’t providing THAT much more nutrition than they should be getting from food.
Oh, and baby’s don’t NEED to drink cow’s milk. It’s just an easy source of Calcium…if they eats greens or yogurt or cheese, you’re fine.
So, for you, ariana…I think maybe you have gone to extremes to continue to breastfeed. If your body isn’t letting down anymore, maybe it’s your natural body’s way of telling you it’s time to wean? If you lived 50 years ago before oxytocin spray, this would have been a natural time for Jasper to slowly start to realize that his mommy isn’t providing milk so much so he will slowly learn to drink elsewhere. He’ll go to the breast…sometimes he’ll get milk, sometimes he won’t. If you think about it…maybe that’s a nice and easy way for him to learn without the cold-turkey effect?
LOL Kate, wow, we obviously have very different value systems which no reply of mine to a comment of yours could possibly address.
But I will say that far from leaving no time for me, I confess that a huge part of my commitment to breastfeeding (aside from the obvious health benefits for Jasper) are due to sheer laziness… waking up and making a bottle of formula in the middle of the night for as screaming baby is a hell of a lot more work than sleepily putting it to the breast. Same with going places during the day. Your breast are always there, no need for forumla, bottles, cooler etc. No need to “clean them” when they are done. And if that is inconvenient, multiply that times 10 to exclusively pump and bottle feed breastmilk as you say you plan on doing.. then you have to make time to pump for each feeding and then feed, and then wash bottle, and pump parts etc etc.
Aside from different values, you must be a lot less lazy than me :)
Hi Ariana,
I have been a reader for a long time and always enjoy your blog. I think you are so very creative! It looks like you started a hot conversation :-). This is proabably not the best topic to finally “meet you” but I feel like I have to put my two cents in as well.
I agree with you 100% that it is a PERSONAL decision to make in regards to bf-ing and for how long. It really is up to you and is no one elses business. I have been around a friend that was nuring her son at about 2 years and he would just walk up, lift her shirt and start sucking. Was it uncomfortable…yes. Did I get over it…yes. I didn’t judge them.
That being said I feel like I have to stand up for those of us who choose to formula feed. People need to keep in mind that it is also our PERSONAL decision and to not judge. All the comments fit here as well. “What am I doing that is interfering with your life”, “my boobs, my body, my baby”, my decision. Period. I am also trying really hard not to be offended at the comment about those who feed their babies milk are uneducated. I don’t know the person but it rubs the wrong way. I am a very educated person and mother. I did my research, did soul searching, talked it over with many people including my OB and the pediatrician and after all that, I decided (for me) that bottle feeding was the right decision. I have not regretted it. I don’t mind making bottles and find it takes little time and I still connect with him. He is a very happy, healthy 5 month old. This works for us.
This is getting long and I don’t want to come off wrong at all. I just really think everyone needs to focus on themselves and what best for them :-)!!!
I think its awesome that you are bf-ing this long and you like it. More power to you!
Kelly
First of all I must say Kate’s comment could be totally different if it were 6 months from now- after her baby arrives and she has experience with these matters. The notion that it would be easier to pump is just so way off. Since I can relate to your situation as a breastfeeding mother, it is obvious to me that you continuing to nurse has nothing to do with martyrdom. That actually makes me giggle. There are so many benefits that I have received from nursing – that I can totally understand why you would want to persevere for the both of you. You also aren’t a quitter. I felt completely different prior to having my baby – I was even “horrified” when my sister nursed her over 6 month old child in public. Now I feel completely different.
Since having my baby and now that she is nearing the year mark it seems somewhat bizarre to switch her to milk from a cow just because she is 1 year old. As long as she is still enjoying nursing and it works for us, I will continue until we can no longer. I am a little concerned because we will be TTC hopefully next year and I hope that means we won’t have to stop.
I am so sorry you are having a hard time with your let down now. You could have quit so many times over the past 1+ year and you didn’t – and have been successful when so many others would have given up. I don’t think your body is necessarily telling you to wean Jasper. It could be the stress compounding and making it worse. Maybe you could try power pumping? It sounds frightening but it could work. I am also confused by the other post that first says how much she is enjoying nursing her 12 month + baby but then maybe your body is telling you it is time to wean so you should accept it.
I wouldn’t until I have exhausted every means possible.
Good luck and I hope you don’t have to stop until the both of you are ready.
@Kelly, thanks for delurking! You are right, BF is quite the hot button issue :)
I think maybe it was me that said something about educated? What I meant by that was that my friend is educated enough that he shouldn’t react with “ew, you are still BF your baby” or if he did have that reaction know enough to realize that it’s mostly american cultural puritanism that he feels that way!
Ariana,
I nursed my first born son for 25 months and it was so worth it. He was a slow learner and we struggled to get the nursing thing down for 3 months. After getting the hang of it, we really are so proud and happy we stuck to it. He self-weaned easily and painlessly when he was ready. Thank goodness as I was 5 months pregnant with his baby brother. Now, baby brother is 14 months and still going strong. I’m so proud of my two healthy well adjusted boys. Each time I read your blog and how selfless and loving you are with Jasper and the whole nursing situation it really touches my heart. Hurray for you and all your hard work. I love the mantra “your body, your boobs, your baby” and will repeat it to myself when well meaning friends and family comment on baby #2 still nursing like a newborn. He signs for it and also enjoys food food. Hang in there Ariana and hope it all works out for you with out too much stress and struggle for you and the sweet boy. Never been more proud of my boobs. Hope you’ve got some boob pride going on too.
Re: Michelle’s response (#4)… and Kelly (#30)
I agree with Kelly, I do feel as though some need to stand up for those who have done their research and have chosen to formula feed. My mother didn’t breastfeed any of us and her mother actually used formula, as well. My sister is 11 years younger than me so I grew up helping with her bottles and feeding her myself – it was the norm for me. Before I got pregnant, I honestly never even considered breastfeeding. Once I was pregnant, it crossed my mind only when people would ask me what I planned to do – otherwise my mind was made up from day one… we were going to use formula. Oddly enough, I was the only one of my friends (out of eight pregnant girls) that chose to formula feed, although five of them ended up switching to formula. On the other hand, my best friend in the midwest chose to breastfeed and she was the odd one out – all of HER friends formula fed. I know it’s not an east coast (me)/midwest thing but I do feel a lot of the pressure depends on the “trend” where you live… I felt a lot of pressure to lean towards breastfeeding (I’m in the metro DC area).
Long story short – no matter what your choice – “your body, your decision”… and we’re ALL good mothers and we would never do anything to hurt our children, so it’s offensive that some people (not necessarily here on this post, but everywhere) point fingers at those of us who chose to formula feed and call us uneducated or say that our children can’t possibly be healthy.
…which brings me to my next point – Michelle’s response. It couldn’t be sheer coincidence that your son caught an ear infection right after you weaned? I just have to point out, for all those naysayers that think formula feeding leads to lots of viruses, that my daughter has been formula fed from day one and has never had an ear infection (knock on wood!)… and has had three colds in thirteen months. Your children obviously can benefit from breastfeeding in this department but to insinuate that formula feeding your baby is risking their health is nonsense.
Sorry to get wordy and fired up – it just rubs me the wrong way sometimes. I should point out that now that I have had one baby, I am thinking I might attempt to breastfeed #2 (not trying yet, but soon!)… although my goal would only be to BF until I go back to work (little steps!), I think it is worth a shot because I would like to experience that bond with my baby.
Good topic!! :)
I think you have to make nursing t-shirts with your new slogan on them and sell them on your etsy store!
It wasn’t in regard to any of your comments, it was someone else. And again, not knowing the exact context of the comment makes it easier to not get too upset:-).
Value system? I find that term to be a little confusing. I’m not planning on shipping my child to boarding school in diapers, if that’s the type of “value system” you’re implying . I’m sorry if I was blunt but when you pose a question, especially a controversial one, expect that not everyone will agree with you, and that’s OK.
Joanna, please point out to me where I inferred that pumping was “easier” than breast feeding. I suggested that I would like to pump after the 6 month mark, rather than have an older baby attached to my breast. I won’t be working, so it’s entirely possible I will have the extra time to do so. I already acknowledged that I won’t know how I will feel about the issue once the baby is born. Just as you have stated your horror at your sister’s nursing her older child in public, I too may have a different take on things once I have experience.
At the same time, I just can’t wrap my head around breast feeding a toddler. So, I may choose to give that child pumped breast milk in addition to cow/ goat’s milk. And if it’s too difficult, I will at least know that I put forward my best effort.
And, well said, Kelly.
I’m so glad I just read this post. As I type, I am sitting in my office at work just having pumped and feeling incredibly frustrated at the small amount that came out. My son is 9 months old and, like yours, had food intolerances so I went through the total elimination diet and have just now successfully reintroduced everything but dairy. So people – especially coworkers – are always asking me when I’m going to be “done” with all of that. But I LOVE the time I spend feeding my son. I love that he loves it. And my milk supply slowing down totally scares me. I think someone recommended more feedings/pumping to increase supply and I have definitely seen that work for me – I’ll probably pump more tonight to hopefully correct the reduced supply for tomorrow.
Again – thanks for the post. It’s so great when you read something that feels like you could’ve written it at a time when you feel kind of alone.
Oh yeah – and my son says “nay nay nay” when he wants to nurse… funny =)
Kate, if you think that breastfeeding a 6-12 month old is the equivalent of shipping them off to boarding school in diapers (or even would consider boarding school to begin with!), can’t wrap your head around breastfeeding a toddler then yes, I’d say our values are different.. clearly I’m more in line with an attachment parenting style which you seem to disagree with (not just on this topic, the discipline topic comes to mind as well) but like you said – that’s “ok.”
I would like to bring to attn this webpage (with several links abt bfing) http://www.askdrsears.com/html/2/T020100.asp
and specifically to this webpage http://www.askdrsears.com/html/2/T021600.asp
the 2nd link made me commit to bfing even though the first 6 months were really tough for me.
Ofcourse each individual has the right to choose what works best for them and their LO
I know I’m a day late here but I don’t see anything wrong with you still nursing Jasper. As far as your supply goes, the less you nurse/pump, the less milk your body will produce. Its totally supply and demand. If you want to get your supply up, I’d suggest taking a weekend (since I know you work) and just nursing Jasper on demand. If you are getting ready to wean him, then cutting out feedings will start to dry you up. I was only able to nurse my oldest son for 8 weeks, cause I never had let down. With my youngest son, we nursed until he self-weaned, which was about 6 months ago…. he’ll be 5 in February. When he got older, past age two, we mainly nursed for bed time and comfort and rarely in “public”. But as I’ve heard a dear friend of mine say, “If you are uncomfortable with someone nursing in public feel free to cover YOUR own head.” :)
Ariana, thanks so much for this post. I just sat here and read every single comment. I am also getting many questions about how long I will nurse (Finn just turned one a few weeks ago) and while I always strived to make it to one year, here we are and neither of us seem ready to stop. He only nurses twice a day (morning and before bed) and I am hoping that he weans himself. I hate to stop when he doesn’t like cow’s milk and I don’t see the need. I will say though that I don’t miss pumping! :)
Thanks for the post and for helping me see I am not alone.
I wanted to clarify about my comment when I said that my MIL who was educated was pushing me towards forumla feeding my LO: What I meant to say is that she could not provide me with any concrete facts or proof that formula was better than breastmilk and/or as to why I should stop bfing my LO.
And as much as I do believe that people have to make choices that are right for them, I also believe that there is aggressive marketing by Formula companies which make it appear that there is no difference between breastmilk and formula. If that was the case why are they always trying to introduce products with claims that its as close as it can get to breastmilk? Which basically means Breastmilk is the standard. Please refer to the articles below:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/WellnessNews/researchers-formula-study-marketing-cover/Story?id=8573263&page=1
And Judy N please read the article below where developed countries also run the risk of contaminated water (including bottled water) w.r.to adding it to formula
http://www.nrdc.org/breastmilk/formula.asp
So, my point is for the women who posted comments saying that they did their research, I am really curious to know what research pointed to the fact that formula was the way to go: your choice or was it concrete research? I was unable to find medical document that proved that Formula was superior to Breastmilk. So, if you made a choice based on your personal situation, its totally cool but dont go about saying you did your research and went with formula.
I FULLY subscribe to the idea of attachment parenting. I just finished The Baby Book, and while I think co-sleeping in a bed is dangerous and babies should be moved to their own rooms after a few months, I don’t disagree with any of the concepts. I’ve bought moby wraps in every colour and dream of spending as much time as I possibly can with my baby (understanding that this does not encompass everything that is attachment parenting). I also don’t think that switching to bottled breast milk after 6 months has to conflict with these ideals.
I also know I will not be able to breastfeed a baby for very long. I had to use any number of medications to get pregnant the first time and do not plan on passing those on to my child. If that means not giving him/ her breastmilk after a year of age, then that option is preferable to not having any more children. I also think it’s a little creepy when they get older but that’s my own prejudice and I have already stated countless times that I will probably change my mind after my baby is born. Didn’t you have preconceived notions about parenting before Jasper was born? Are you really even the same person than before you became a mother?
Let me clarify, I would NEVER send my child off to boarding school. The point I was trying to make was that you don’t have to be that type of person in order to dislike the idea of breastfeeding a toddler. I value modesty and privacy. Since you share your life and that of your child’s on the world wide web, those may not be values you appreciate. However, I think that questioning a person’s values is one passive aggressive step from questioning their morals.
I’ve appreciated reading your blog these past few months. I don’t always agree with your point of view but never wrote in to criticise you, merely to offer a different opinion. It has become abundantly clear that you take my disagreeing with you personally and I sometimes get the impression you write these posts with the expectation of receiving girl power words of encouragement from your readers. Not to worry, I won’t be reading or commenting any further.
For the record, I think you’re a wondeful mom. My reason for commenting on this post in the first place was that it seems like you put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect.
Kate, first of all, I don’t think I took your post personally at all, stating that we seem to have different values seems to me to be a way of saying to each their own – I don’t expect everyone to agree with me.
As to the content of what you just wrote, I too took hormones to get pregnant as do many breastfeeding mothers I know. I’ve never heard of anything that suggested that it would pass through to baby through milk months later… perhaps you are talking about met or some other medication that you must be on even after pregnancy?
Secondly, I’m a bit surprised to hear you say you subscribe FULLY to attachment parenting when you’ve stated here that you believe =in corporal punishment which is something that is pretty much fundamentally at odds with attachment parenting as is moving baby into their own room after just a few months. But that’s no judgment on you, I also ferberized Jasper at 6 months – so I’m no attachment parenting poster girl!
Certainly there are things that I changed me mind about as I went but breastfeeding was something I was committed to beforehand. One example that comes to mind is I never thought I would ferberize, but my sanity dictated otherwise when the time came.
I’m sorry you feel the need to stop reading or commenting further but that declaration would indicate that you are the one taking it personally.. I appreciate the debate and the sometimes “other side” to the argument that you often bring!
@Suni…
Yes, anywhere where you have to trust a human’s influence to do it’s job perfectly is going to fail sometime. Ie, there are fallible humans doing the job of water purification in the U.S., so occasionally (rarely), it may fail…and yes, a baby would severely suffer (as would much of the general population). You could stretch it further and say, well, if you SHOWER in the same water where a water purification site failed, and that E.Coli water got on your breasts, and you went to feed you baby soon after, your baby would be sick. It’s all relative. The U.S. water is by far “safe” from bacterial/parasitic stuffs compared to third world countries. As far as the chemicals…I can’t say much about them. I haven’t seen any great studies stating that there is definite cause and effect relationship between the “accepted” amounts of chemicals in water and some medical issues.
I’m NOT condoning formula over breastmilk…I’m a pediatrician, I am an avid breastfeeding advocate. I DO think it’s mom’s decision. I will wholeheartedly admit that I personally have feelings that aren’t the most positive toward really extended breastfeeding (like past 2-3 years old)…BUT, I will also admit that I didn’t think I would nurse my own child past about 6 months (thought I would pump)…but, here I am at past 12 months still nursing (and partially in part due to what Ariana says is her “laziness” in not wanting to pump and wash parts or make bottles!!)…so maybe I’ll change my mind as my own baby grows up.
I hope I don’t sound mean or angry. I’m really not. But, I do find some of the online breastfeeding info not particularly research based.
Judy, wanted to address your first comment by saying yes – I agree it might be a good time/way to wean. Still haven’t decided if I want to throw the towel in completely, and it’s further complicated by the fact that Jasper is a very picky/minimal eater so making up the nutrition in other ways is much more challenging for us!
Suni,
Not sure if your post was directed towards me, but since I did mention feeling the need to stand up for those who do their research I thought I should respond. When I mention research I in no way am insinuating that formula is better than breastmilk. Although I did formula feed, I understand the outstanding benefits of breastmilk that formula may never be able to compete with (in particular, the antibodies). When I speak of people doing their research, I am simply referring to women, like myself, who have heavily weighed the nutritional content, digestive factors, and convenience with regards to formula feeding and have decided that is what’s best for them.
Like I stated before, I would like to attempt to BF with our next baby and I am going in eyes wide open… so I really appreciate the opportunity to read about these kinds of experiences that mommies are having. We had our own issues with a protein allergy and I know there are many other obstacles to overcome when the day arrives that I breastfeed for the first time… but I’m willing to give it a shot! :)
Kennedy, just wanted to say that it’s great you plan on trying to BF your second – I hope you are surprised with how rewarding it can be even though it can have it’s challenges.. :) I’ve heard so many women say it helped to set short term goals like “I will BF for 6 weeks” and then set another and another and before you know it you can’t tear that toddler from the boob (just kidding ;)
I want to say that I am sorry if I was directing anger at any of you ladies, I was just trying to be objective and state what each one of us has said in our own way: DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU :)
@ Judy: Totally agree with what you are saying. And I do agree levels of contamination in the US are very low, but we’ve seen outbreaks of cryptosporidium in tap water which is a bit alarming. But we are definitely much better off than any other country and dont have any infant deaths bcoz of it. Thats why I only said we do run the risk of contamination, which means we are not totally safe :)
I do agree that there is a certain amount of laziness that creeps in with bfing after a while. I never really thought I will go past 6 months and here I am with a 9 month old and still going on!!
@Kennedy: I am not really sure what you specifically mean by research? In my mind, when I use term “research” I am thinking of facts and statistics, so I thought of listing the articles to clarify for women who are wanting to actually see study results- if there are advantages to Bfing before committing to it (Like me for example). And my point was/is that we make our choices based on our situations(family,work, stress, health etc) and bottle feeding a baby has got to do with personal situation/Choice rather than facts/figures(research in my opinion).
Ofcourse none of the studies ever tell you how much tougher it is to breastfeed a baby, specifically the intial months. i do have to say that there is a very high level of commitment and a diff mindset that is needed if you intend to b’feed. Based on my experience, I can see why a good % of women switch to bottle feeding after attempting the first few weeks. No way is it easy and you have to be mentally prepared to fight it out and its even tougher if you are a working woman and dont have emotional support.
And I am appreciative of the fact that you intend to bfeed and wish you lot of mental strength. please note in no way am I insinuating that you or anyone else is less of a mom becoz you chose to bottle feed or any other option.
@ariana…I hear you on the picky eater thing. My son’s weight also has taken a little dive in the curves since his pickiness…it IS hard to take away something that he seems to EAT well! I can relate to wanting to squeeze every calorie into him as you can!
@suni…yea, you are right! It is crazy to think that the U.S. can have something as nasty as Crypto in their water! Ha…and yea…the bottle feeding people don’t know HOW convenient it really is to BF sometimes! :)
I hear you! I also thought it was weird to nurse even passed 12 months!
now just one week from 12 month we are no where near stopping. I still have an incredible supply and Brighton loves it! So do I. He doesn’t even like to cuddle! How else will I get him to lay with me so sweetly?!
So I too plan on nursing for a while longer. I have no plans of when that will be, I’m just going with the flow!
Good for you :)
oops I meant I thought it was weird to nurse TO 12 months.
I’ve been lurking for a while and I love your photography. I really like this post and I am SO impressed with what you’ve done to breastfeed your little guy. I just finished reading the responses to your post and it’s nice to see that you’re willing to write back and respond to people (to Kate, I am glad that you’re aware that your parenting ideas may change with a baby in hand, but FYI there is absolutely NO way you can pump for 6 months and maintain your supply without any drugs. The baby is always more efficient than the pump, and truly how can a mechanical device designed to get milk out of cows be more ‘natural’/normal/better for your baby than the breast? Not that I have anything against pumping – I’ve been doing it 3 times a day for 10 months as of yesterday)
My daughter turned 11 months old today and I’m struggling with the idea of dropping from pumping 3 times a day to twice a day (I work) when she gets to a year and supplementing a bit. I would happily breastfeed her until she was at least 3 if it were possible (I have 2 good friends who are breastfeeding 3-year-olds and a very normal friend who remembers being weaned in order to start kindergarten so I have plenty of support) but unfortunately we are facing a lot of pressure to start fertility treatments again soon and none of the clinics I’ve called will treat me until she’s been weaned for at least a couple of months.
I truly cherish the time we spend breastfeeding and since we are -always- on the go nothing could be easier when we’re out and about. It sounds like you are quite committed to continuing breastfeeding and I think that’s wonderful. I don’t know much about supply issues (being mostly an oversupply type of girl at the beginning) but I just wanted to add that even if your supply drops I wouldn’t force weaning if breastfeeding is still working as a tool to spend time with your son and to calm him when he is upset. I have friends who have tandem nursed through pregnancies and admitted that they basically had almost no milk by the 3rd trimester but still breastfed their children because of the bonding/comforting aspects.
Wow what a great discussion – I feel privileged to have stumbled accross it. I expect some readers will cringe when I say I am still feeding my little girl who is 2 and 4 months. Like many on here, whilst I was pregnant I had in mind a certain time I would feed for (9 months, which I felt seemed like an eternity and that was only because my sister had gone for that long with my nephew) but once you have the baby you quickly realise how they rarely if ever fit into what you have planned for them! I will let her decide when she wants to stop. I have no doubt that it has been allowed to continue because I have not yet returned to work and she has never attended daycare. She will when she is 3 and if she gradually stops needing it then, then so be it.
Whilst I understand that people have differing opinions on this I don’t agree that feeding beyond 2 is wrong and I detest this attitude that helps create the feeling that women who feed even beyond a year are somehow using the relationship to satisfy their own needs rather than their child’s. Milk teeth are so called because they are lost at around the same time that breastfeeding is supposed to stop (5-7yrs). Whilst it would seem absurd for a 7 yr old to still be feeding I think there is no harm in feeding to between 4 and 5. Of course discretion in public is advisable. Many people with children the same age as my daughter comment about how much more advanced she is intellectually and emotionally. I have no doubt that this is thanks at least in part to extended breastfeeding.
Keep up the good work and, as with bullying in general, you’ll probably find that those who comment negatively on what you’re doing are jealous and/or guilty that they didn’t/couldn’t do the same.
My “babies” are now adults(I have 3 grandchildren) but I breastfed all 4 of my sons(twins my 3rd pregnancy). My first son forced me to give up the breast around 6-7 mos because he was biting me and he lost interest. He went straight to the cup. My second son breastfed until he was 2.5 yrs. He only nursed once or twice a day from the age of 2. He gave it up when he was ready.My husband thought it unusual, but I just handed him my breastfeeding books. I nursed my twins for the first 4 months and slowly stopped because their nursing times were increasing and I was nursing 24/7 and exhausted (expressing milk was so helpful). All of this to say that each situation is different and you only need to do what is right for you and your baby. No need to apologize to anyone for doing what you feel is best – it is your decision. Take care and keep up the great work!
I’m a few days (weeks?) late here, but I wanted to chime in and say: don’t wean until YOU and JASPER are ready to wean.
DS is five months old and we weaned two weeks ago. A combination of: moving to a new house, the end of maternity leave, DS catching the flu, DS getting some kind of bacterial infection (don’t ask!), and me basically being too exhausted to pump during the day at work and/or at home in the mornings or after DS went to bed. Our situation was different, of course, as our little guy was already getting 1-2 bottles of formula a day and had just started eating rice cereal, but still… there’s a piece of my heart that died when we stopped breastfeeding and I’m still full of regret.
So until YOU and JASPER are ready: your body, your boobs, your baby = your decision.
Sorry I’m late in responding. I’m not even sure if you are still checking the comments. I had problems with let down and had to express a little milk to get going before latching my DD. I don’t know if you have tried that, but it made a big difference for me. DD just turned a year and I’m still aiming for two.
Mrs Brown, do you mean pumping first or just “squeezing”?
Umm… neither exactly.
http://parenting.ivillage.com/newborn/nbreastfeed/0,,42sn,00.html
or
http://breastfeeding.about.com/od/breastmilkpumpingcare/ht/handexpress.htm
If you are just squeezing, it doesn’t work worth poop. Also, using a little (very little) lanolin helps your fingers move without causing skin irritation. My lactation consultant helped me get this to work.
Here’s a video.
http://video.about.com/breastfeeding/Hand-Expression-Technique.htm
Hey, I just stumbled upon your blog as I was googling ’switching from breastmilk to cow’s milk’. I’d like to tell you that I breastfed my son for 2 years. I never thought at any point that it was getting too weird as he was growing older and larger. He’s 5 now and we have a great bond that I owe to breastfeeding. You see during the first year your baby really needs your milk for development. But during the second year, I believe, we continue the breastfeeding for the bond. When your baby is one year old he is completely aware of your body and specifically your breasts. He understands that the warm, sweet, comforting milk is coming from your insides. And he can only get that milk if his mouth comes in close contact with your soft breasts. And he knows that only you can give him this comfort. This is a very intimate act that he will forever ‘remember’ in his subconscious. I can’t imagine the same experience can be replicated with a hard bottle, a latex nipple, and milk that came from a cow. Honestly, I think that mother who do try discourage you from nursing are just feeling guilty for not attempting to feed their babies. But hey, you have fed your baby for over year.. and that’s great. So if your body has stopped producing milk, then maybe it needs to take a break. So don’t be too harsh on yourself and listen to your body. By the way, did you abrubtly stop producing milk? As in did you wake up one morning and found your breasts dry of milk?
I breastfed my first baby until she was 18 months old, weaning her just 6 weeks before delivering my second baby.
In European countries, people are much more comfortable with breastfeeding toddlers and breastfeeding in public. People in the US feel it’s creepy because our culture over sexualizes breasts and has forgotten their main purpose.
Breastfeed as long as you like. It’s good for your child. Boobs have a purpose beyond pleasing men.
Mrs. Brown is very right about needing to express to get things going. Your milk will dry up if you aren’t nursing or expressing a few times a day.