It’s the Little Things I’ll Miss

puppy feet

When my baby is all grown up.. things like puppy feet.

Shot with my Canon Digital Rebel Xsi
Sigma 30mm 1.4 lens at these settings:
F 2.0
Shutter speed 1/60th (living dangerously)
ISO 200.
Image Post Processing in Adobe Lightroom 2.0

Maybe it’s because I’m well aware Jasper may be our only child but I am irrationally attached to every article of clothing he’s worn more than once and every little toy or object that reminds me of him in any way.

These are sweet sentiments, but ones that get in the way of readying yourself for participating in a consignment sale! I found myself unable to part with all of the “best” items, the ones that would fetch any money at all, instead deciding to sell all the ones he never wore or that I never liked much.

As I looked through each tiny item and put it aside because it felt too painful to part with, I wondered what I was saving them for..the slim chance that we will decide to have another child, and should we do that that we actually conceive one, and should we do that that it will also be a boy? That seems about as likely as wining the lottery. In 10 years will I still be storing in a closet or attic somewhere baby Jasper clothes when there is clearly no use for them other than as mementos? One favorite outfit or two yes. But a whole box/bag?

Perhaps I need therapy. Or at the very least a Fung Shui consultant!

And for those of you who are keeping track, the milk making is going even worse then ever. I won’t go into specifics, but I’m resorting to the big guns. Hopefully I’ll have better news to report soon as a result.

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Faith says:

Sadly, many points that she made secretly hit its mark… and i already feel ashamed for admitting it. Perhaps that is in essence part of the problem?

“and you measure your success every day by now many ounces you produce.”

I can’t tell you the defeat and despair that i’ve felt after getting only 4 ounces total after an afternoon pump knowing that it wasn’t enough to feed my child that needed 7 ounces. I wanted to slink in a corner and cry. I had failed my child. I’ve tried everything under the sun and still i had failed. While breast may be best, if it is damaging the mother’s psyche, is it still best? and if the evidence that existed for breastfeeding was good but not spectacular, is it good to place so much pressure on mothers to breastfeed their babies or else? The pressure to do so is tremendous among new moms here.

Also I have had private thoughts that my fellow mothers who gave up breastfeeding after a few weeks becuase it was painful and they did not have enough milk were wusses and they should have stuck it out for their baby’s benefit. Like I did. But how much of that is because of social pressures to breastfeed or else? And how ashamed have i been later for feeling so smug that I’ve stuck it out in spite of the wrenching pain! And how resentful have I been that they are happier now that they have quit, are feeding their babies formula and are spending happy quality time with them? While I sit in a corner and pump.

and the worst part? instead of all of this nonsense that’s been polluting my mind, how much better would it have been if I felt that it was ok to give my baby one bottle of formula because i did not have enough milk instead of pumping my body full of dom? There is a happier medium… one that does not turn mothers against mothers and doesn’t create unrealistic pressures.

Breast may be best, but formula is ok too.

Kate says:

Oh, I understand what you are saying- she was a bit crude- but I also believe women put too much pressure on themselves to be perfect mothers. It’s almost gone too far in the other direction. Now, if you don’t breastfeed, or if you don’t breastfeed for long enough, you’re a selfish mother who doesn’t want the best for her child. I think maybe that was the point she was trying to make.

ariana says:

Kate, I just feel like it’s the kind of language that sets breastfeeding advocacy back 50 years. ie the way she describes pumping:

“the grotesque ritual carried out behind closed office doors nationwide by beleaguered working mothers who are fully ‘committed’ (as the lactation consultants put it) to the goal of long-term, exclusive breast-feeding”

Grotesque ritual? Puhleeze. No one is saying pumping is pleasurable, but grotesque sounds like the way a teenage boy might describe it.. or my husband maybe ;)

She also calls it a fetish etc etc. I thought the whole article bizarre coming from a mom that breastfed. That’s just my opinion.

Kate says:

Why is the article infuriating?

ariana says:

Faith,
I ordered from the same place :)
7 months and 22lbs? That makes Jasper look like a peanut!

I had read that commentary last week. I found it infuriating.. you?

Faith says:

ariana,

oh yes the big guns. I’ve been on it for 3 months now… I don’t know how much it has helped me. i guess i’ve maintained instead of decrease even more. i just ordered some more but it’s a uphill battle. like fenugreek and MMP or even buckets of oatmeal, it helps gobs and then either the effects taper off or his needs overcome the boost in supply.

here’s where i get my stuff.
http://www.inhousepharmacy.com/

i too had the puppy feet outfit. i loved it. my little guy is 7 months and 22 pounds… so yeah, i’m screaming past the cute little clothes.

re getting rid of the clothes… i’ve had some bouts of ppd… never had anything like it in my life, so it’s disconcerting. i think it’ll make me too sad to get rid of it right now, but just like pictures, i suspect if i get rid of the bad pictures, or outgrown clothes right away, it may be easier than to do it three years down the line.

ariana says:

Kate, the baby food maker is available at William’s Sonoma!

Kari, OMG – that’s the WORST! I’ve forgotten my sheilds before to and had to go home for them, but never from so far away, you poor thing. Thanks for sharing though, the visual is priceless. And I’m sure your supply will rebound :)

Marybeth, very good point! So my lottery analogy is even more apt. Congratulations!!! How exciting.. a very good excuse to shop.

I’ll keep you posted about the sale..

JB, I’m already all over that. 5pm is prezel and beer time in my house.. doh! ;)

jbhat says:

Sounds like holding onto the sentimental favorite outfits and suits is a common thing.

Good luck with the Big Guns. Or whatever will help you through. They say the hops in beer is a good thing. Maybe you should just go ahead and tie one on. : )

Oh, and I’d love to hear how you do at the consignment sale! I’ve never sold at one, so I’m hoping you’ll post how much time and effort you spend preparing for it.

When saving baby clothes, you also have to consider that the next baby could be born in the opposite season as the first. Then you’re left with all the cozy, fleecy stuff in size 3-9 months and new baby needs short sleeves and shorts!

OR you could be like me and have your second baby exactly (within 11 days!) 12 months after the first, and be convinced it’s a boy, just like the first. BUT I recently found out it’s a girl so I’m starting all over with shopping anyway :)

kari says:

i feel the same way, i have a huge box of liam clothes just sitting. i can’t bear to let them go. i am so sad he has grown out of some of the REALLY cute ones. :( the photo of the puppy feet is too cute!

random bf story for you… i had to go to sacramento yesterday for work… i forgot my pump – well not my whole pump, but the shield parts (which of course are NEEDED). so, not only was i engorged and in pain all day, i was paranoid about supply issues and frantically trying to “hand express” in the bathroom each time i went. (now isn’t that a fun visual… me in the bathroom at sac. airport squeezing and pulling myself like a COW)hopefully it wont affect my supply, i plan on pumping a ton today while liam is at daycare – we’ll see. oh the fun this whole thing is! :)

Kate says:

Ariana, if you look at the beaba website you will want absolutely everything. I don’t know where they sell them though, as I have only seen a couple of their products available in the USA.
http://www.beaba.com/en/index_collection.htm
I don’t even have a child and I want them!

Katie says:

I refuse to give away any article of Cecilia’s clothing. I have boxes of her clothing and It all has a special place in our basement. I do have to admit I have been a pack rat all my life and have boxes of notes, books, and little things that remind me of my childhood. So I am right there with you. Maybe someday I will look at giving her clothes away to friends or family but right now I just can’t part with it!

ariana says:

Hi Kate, not necessary, but preferred if at all possible :)

I JUST learned about the beabea yesterday, or course now I totally want it!

Kate says:

Hi Ariana,
Since I have no experience in the area, I can only speculate but is it necessary to continue breastfeeding? It seems you are putting yourself through so much and I seem to recall that you only need to breast feed a baby until 6 months of age. I’m sure Jasper won’t begrudge you for moving him on to formula and solids! I don’t know if you’ve seen this but because I am in love with everything at williams sonoma, I may be a little prejudiced.
http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/sku5344569/index.cfm?pkey=xsrd0m1%7C16%7C%7C%7C0%7C%7C%7C%7C%7C%7C%7Cbaby&cm%5Fsrc=SCH
http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/e203/index.cfm?pkey=xsrd0m1%7C16%7C%7C%7C0%7C%7C%7C%7C%7C%7C%7Cbaby&cm%5Fsrc=SCH
The beaba looks exactly like something I would waste my money on.
Would weaning Jasper off of milk help with his acid reflux? (I’m trying to justify here!!)

ariana says:

Meggin,
Dom is supposed to have less side effects than reglan, but I will definitely keep an eye on my moods, thanks!

Stephanie, I am taking more milk plus! Interesting that it took a few weeks to work for you. Maybe I didn’t give it enough time? There was one day we had no problems that was about three days after I started taking it, then like a dummy I stopped and the next day or two the issues came back, so maybe it WAS working. Hmm, now I don’t know if I should give MMPlus another day to see if it starts working again!

Stephanie says:

Oh I know exactly how you feel :( Many of my 8-month old’s clothes need to be “retired”, but I’ve been putting it off… I can’t bear to part with them – carrot stains and all!

As far as your milk supply, I had some luck with More Milk Plus (from Whole Foods). After a few weeks of taking it, I noticed an increase in my milk supply.
http://www.motherlove.com/pressrelease-2004-07-01.php

Best of luck!

Meggin says:

I hope your milk supply gets better. I took reglan when I was pumping and it added to my post pardum depression so I had to stop taking. I don’t recommend taking that drug to boost supply. Good Luck!

ariana says:

Keri, I’m glad to see I’m not the only certifiable one ;)

Emily, a cedar chest is an excellent idea. Though at this rate I’ll need a cedar attic.. or a whole cedar addition to the house!

Pamela, nice idea about the quilt. Jasper’s wedding. Now there’s something I’m totally unprepared to think about ;)

Grace, wow, Jasper is barely 18 lbs at almost 8 months, I can’t imagine how fast you tore though the size charts..

Kimberly, I feel/felt the exact same way as you. I really had (have?) my heart set on having a daughter someday. Now it’s not so much a daughter as another baby!

Farah, thank you for your encouragement and support.. I know you know the place I’m in right now :(

Farah says:

Sending you huge heartfelt sincere thoughts for your milk suppy.

I understand where your coming from. On both aspects. Clothes and milk. I have so many outfits/toys that are packed in boxes with no real purpose

Grace says:

Definitely am in the same boat as you. At 19 pounds, my 5 month old is going through the little baby clothes faster than I can keep up with! It feels like every week, I’m finding cute clothes that he no longer fits. I’m constantly feeling bittersweet as I notice how much less little (awful grammar, I know) my tyke is. I know that the thing are just “things”, but still. They represent days with my little baby that will never be again.

Kimberly says:

I used to always think I HAD to have a baby girl. A boy would be wonderful, too, of course, but I thought I’d be devastated if I only ever had boys. Now, I really don’t care anymore what #2 might be, and I kind of hope it’s another boy when the time comes, so he can live in James beautiful nursery (brown and blue) and wear all his adorable clothes. Also a reason to TTC around the same time of year. Crazy, a little… but you understand! ;) James also has the lil’ blue puppy dog toes, as well as the similar tan and brown bear toes. So. Stinkin’. Cute!

Good luck with the big guns…. we do what we gotta do…. sending you lots of good bfing vibes and thoughts!

Pamela says:

Have a quilt made out of the clothing!!!!!!! Great memory for you and then you can give it to him when he gets married (GASP).

emily says:

My mother has a cedar chest she uses as a coffee table in her living room. It is stuffed Full of my baby/toddler clothes, shoes and blankets. Maybe you should find you a nice cedar chest.

Keri says:

I am right there with you! I can’t imagine getting rid of Hadley’s clothes or toys. In fact, I have two tubs full of outgrown infant clothes in the attic right now. My husband asked how long I might want to keep them and I have no answer. Right now, I imagine forever, but that seems so impractical. I guess I’ll just have to hold onto them until I’m sure there won’t be any more daughters or until I’m no longer so closely attached to them. I know they are just little clothes, but they remind me of the tiny baby that Hadley no longer is.