I HATE Daycare!

Today is day three of Jasper going to daycare and already he is sick! He has a super congested nose and a terrible cough.. between that and his usual terrible gas pain I was up ALL night.

I hate that they let kids come in with runny snotty noses and hacking up a lung, I hate that I don’t get to hold and comfort him and I hate having to pump instead of spending time cuddling with my baby.

As far as daycare goes I know this one is a good one, but I have to find another way :(

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Anon says:

Hi,

I currently work in a daycare and been home sick for two days. I don’t believe it was the kids, but the pure bleach that every teacher has to clean the tables and shelves with during nap time. It turned out to be very bad for my throat and I can’t imagine what it must do to the kids.

The kids are, in my opinion, well taken care of where I work, although I do not agree with one teacher having so many kids to care for. I have 6 1.5yr olds and I try my best to care for all of them the best I can sometimes I can’t help but let them cry for a little while taking care of the other.

I’m not saying these things to concern any of the mothers out there that place their kids on day care. I’m saying it so you can be aware and what happens when you’re not around with your children. Ask the daycare where you’ve place your child about their cleaning procedures, I certainly do not agree with the ones at the one I work at and I blame it for causing so many boogey noses.

I’m not a mom yet, but I wish I don’t ever have to go through this whole daycare issue. I hope all of those who do can find a way to take care of your kids. No one will care for them as you do.

Blessing to all of you!

Kristen says:

I have had my 15 month old son in daycare for 1 year now and he has been sick, sick, sick the entire time. Colds and ear infections, got tubes, and still getting ear infections. we even changed his daycare facility and it has made no differnce. these are nice, expensive facilities but that makes no difference. i kept him home for 2 weeks to see if it would help and he got completely better! Then we sent him to his new daycare and he was sick by day 3. some kids will pick up more bugs than others in the same daycare room. my kid is prone to picking up EVERYTHING! Don’t wait it out too long because I have been waiting a year for it to get better and it hasn’t yet…Good luck!

Yvonne says:

i put my first son in daycare and he was sick at least twice a month, every month for a year. when he got older, he was always getting bit by other kids. i was so tired and guilty and stressed out – it was the worst year of my life. when my second son was born, we placed him with a babysitter who works out of her own home. it’s heaven! she charges half of what a daycare would and my son loves her. in the past year and half that he’s been with her, he’s only gotten sick three times. ask friends if they know of any babysitters. in new jersey, you can get a list of state-certified caregivers by going through the department of children’s services. maybe they have something similar in new york? in order to be state-certified, the caregiver has to agree to periodic, random checks by a state inspector. it’s a little extra peace of mind. good luck!

Allison says:

It’s OK to put on your work hat and make a living for your family.

That is the best advice I recieved when I went back to work when my son was 4 months old. And yes – we did get sick a lot that first year. He really hasn’t been sick since about 12 months – he’s now 20 months old.

It really does get better. I tried to beg, barter and steal my way into not working again, but I had to – just like you. My salary was necessary.

Give it 3 months. I promise you it will be better.

Then, when you get home – just snuggle all evening with your baby and all weekend.

It will get better.

Stephanie says:

I went back to work 3 weeks ago, and yes, it is VERY hard being without your baby for most of the day and leaving him in someone else’s care. I spent many sleepless nights desperately trying to find a way for me to be a SAHM, but in the end, we could not afford the SAHM route. I can’t say it’s gotten easier for me to be without my baby, but I think once you get into some kind of routine, you’ll feel a bit better. Hang in there!

Emily says:

Hey, Ariana,
I had the exact same experience when I put my son into daycare. Luckily I was able to extend my maternity leave so he was 17 weeks when he went in which made it a little easier I think on me and on him.

He ended up with a stomach bug after his first day (that my husband then caught) and then with cold after cold through the winter. The best thing I can recommend for his congestion are constant use of the little noses drops and a dehumidifier at night. Now that he is 14 months old and the cold season has started again, the congestion bothers me less. It’s kind of a presence if your child is in daycare, unfortunately. His pediatrician told me he was building good immunities. At the end of the day if I felt his cold was too much or he felt unwell, regardless of if he was running a fever, I would call in sick and stay home with him.

As far as feeling like you have to change something, I still feel that way and every day try to find a situation that would have me either working part time or at home two days per week. Like you, our mortgage and other financial obligations necessitate my second and equal to my husband’s income.

I think I cried every day for at least the first month. I was miserable and upset. I try to make guilt something I won’t even let in.

We have friends who stopped working and are going deep into debt in order for the wife to stay at home and this is causing them unbelievable stress. We have friends who can do the stay at home mom thing without any financial problem. We have friends who found part time work and we have friends who have their child in full time daycare, like we do. In my experience, each decision causes challenges for each family and I have yet to find the person who has found the absolute perfect circumstance. I’m convinced it does not exist.

You will find what works for you guys and in the meantime, good luck in trying to make the current situation work! It is so tough, I know. It does get easier in many ways and it also gets harder in some ways.

xo
Emily

mandoo says:

Sorry to hear it’s not going so well and that Jasper’s already gotten sick! As all the other commentators have said, I am sure it’ll get better and easier as you settle into your routine. The first week is the hardest and hopefully it’ll get better.

I also understand you regarding housing expenses being so high. We’ve talked about my being a SAHM after the baby’s born, but the truth of the matter is that it’s just not going to happen when our fixed housing costs are about 70% of what my husband brings home every month. While it’s mathematically possible, I’m not sure it’s better for the baby, or our marriage for that matter, for him to shoulder that kind of financial burden and responsibility. And when I say it’s 70%, I’m talking about rent and utilities. We don’t even own our own home yet and if I become a SAHM, we’ll never save enough to afford a downpayment — one of the major drawbacks of living in a huge metro area. Maybe someday, but obviously, not right now.

Melanie says:

I’m sure there has to be some research that backs up the theory that BFing helps them stay healthy, but from what I’ve seen from friends who BF, it’s is not really the case! My friend’s son was in the hospital with pneumonia at 9 months, she’s a SAHM and he’s exlusively BF. Go figure! You can only do so much to protect your kids, the rest is up to nature!

ariana says:

Thank you so much for the support everyone.. I know its just the beginning, and its a big change going from being with your baby 24/7 to about 3 hours in a waking day so the transition is so dramatic.

Suzanne I think you hit the nail on the head. Part of my dejected feeling is that he got so sick even though he’s exclusively breastfed.. I thought that was supposed to get all those antibodies that would make him immune? I guess that’s not how it works :(

Heather, I’m a webmaster and also do freelance web design, but since I currently have a full time job I don’t do much freelance. Whenever I’ve been in between jobs I try to freelance exclusively as a source of income but I’ve never been very successful at it.. part of my problem is that I’m not a great work from home person. I tend to do better with some structure.

Trying, I just ordered the drops, so happy to hear they helped Ginny! I have been giving Jasper probiotics (on and off, sometimes I forget) but not that exact strain. And If I don’t have to mix the powder with liquid I’m more likely to give it to him every day.. can’t wait to try them!!

Morgan says:

I would do anything even if you can take another baby to watch during the day to suppliment income. Im sure you would still have to cut way back. I know it would be worth it. Only a mother will give her baby the love and attention he needs and wants.

Jennifer says:

Remember, he just started. And you just went back to work. It’ll get better. And it’s true: babies will pretty much get colds wherever they are.

I know you miss him though.

Suzanne says:

Hey Ariana, Damn. I know just how you feel. My SIL watched my son when I went back to work when he was 8 weeks old. He got sick a bunch of times anyway. I was pissed because of all the breastfeeding/pumping. I mean, seriously, isn’t that the whole reason we do it… for their health and us passing on our immunities to them?!?! Hang in there girl! We live in a big new house that requires two incomes too. But, I would sell it and scale back RIGHT NOW if I could. It does get easier. I know how precious the time is that you DO get to spend with baby and I think it’s GREAT that you get to BF twice a day and not just pump all the time. AND I know how much work all of that is, so please remember that you ARE doing something for Jasper that no one else can do. What YOU provided has kept him alive and thriving for 12 weeks! Also, I insisted on getting a cleaning lady to come to our house every other week… I wasn’t spending what precious time I had at home with my baby doing ANY cleaning!

Stacy says:

I’m sorry that he’s sick! My son got sick the second day he was in daycare and was out the rest of the week! He was sick a lot the first few months but now he’s been in daycare for just over a year and he rarely gets sick anymore. I promise you that it does get easier! The sickness and the having to be a WOHM. I admit there are days that I still long to be at home with my boy but I know that he’s being taken care of and he just loves being around all his friends.

Stace says:

My son just finished his first year of daycare. Trust me, it gets easier. I know a lot of people find ways to quit work or work less. That wasn’t an option for us. By the time he was able to express himself, you could tell he loved his teachers. I used to visit daily as well. Gradually I went less and less. I knew he was happy and well cared for there and that really helped. I still look at pictures of him throughout the day but I don’t have to run over there on my lunch hour anymore. Okay, so I can’t promise things will get better for you, but they did for us.

Kristin says:

I don’t have the magic answer but I wish I did. All I can say is go PART TIME. The one day a week may make a world of difference.

Melanie says:

i’m so sorry. just remember that kids get sick even if they are not in daycare! Zoe has had 3 colds and bronchiolitis, and she’s home with me. they say it’s normal for a baby to get up to 9 colds the first year and it helps build their immune system for later. i know it’s still hard to see your baby sick, but it could have happened even if he was home with you!

tryingin2007 says:

ooops. let me know if you want more info.

tryingin2007 says:

that’s awful! we are now in the process of finding child care. it makes me so incredibly sad.

but on a much more positive note… I have AMAZING news for you! my fantastic pedi put ginny on probiotic drops for her gas/colic and we now have a new child! we went from hours of crying due to belly upset to normal tears from being tired or having a wet diaper. the stuff is brilliant!
“bio giai” it’s like $36 and all natural. ginny is happy as a clam now (and so is her mother.)

:)

Heather says:

Hi,
I’ve written a couple times here and there (and really admire your blog). I’m not sure what you do, but I’m assuming it’s something graphics related…

I’m a creative director, and work part time, and have put my baby in daycare 3-4 days a week. He’s 8 mo. old now. I don’t think I could do this full time, but on a part time basis, I really, truly believe that he’s happy. And, I’ve found the daycare people to be very caring and helpful.
Ideas for you…
-could you work on a freelance basis?
-part-time?
-supplement part-time with freelance work.

As a creative director, everything you’ve done seems commercial and would be successful on any number of different levels. I’m also not a believer that artists need to be poor.

Good luck, and e-mail if I can help.
Heather

Eva says:

Ugh, I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this! I’m facing putting my baby girl in daycare in January and I’m absolutely dreading it. I wish there was some way I could do stuff from home, but sadly that’s just not possible for me. Hope you can get some sleep soon!

ariana says:

Thanks for the sympathy Lou!

Sarah, thank you for sharing your experiences. I would be willing to pare down a LOT, the problem is that our housing fees are so expensive (mortgage+insurance+property taxes), we really need the second income.. and that’s not something we can really change at this point :(

SArah says:

I’m sorry you are having such a hard time with this. I too, hated leaving my oldest son and decided that I would do WHAT EVER it took to stay home with him. I can’t say it’s been easy but it’s been the BEST decision we ever made.

We live in a very small house with 4 little boys and a huge dog but the house payment and utilities are reasonable. There are times when I would like nothing more than to move into a beautiful, large house but I want that to be a blessing to our family and right now it wouldn’t be.

We have only one car which is a pain in the butt sometimes but not having to pay for extra gas, insurance & maintenance is a huge money saver.

We hardly ever eat out.

We don’t take expensive vacations.

I buy on craigslist and garage sales.

I could go on and on, but I guess my point is , if you want to stay home, hate daycare that much, find a way… You’ll never regret it.

I’ve been thinking about you and this issue for days…I wish there was something I could do, but I guess all I can do is say that I hope you can find some way to reconcile the logistics of having to have a job and making money for your family and the need for Jasper to be taken care of. Phooey! Why can’t we be rich?

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